Rocks: Nature's locksmith.It took an hour and a half to navigate the roughly 100-feet between the science lab and the cafeteria, including 15 minutes spent walking in circles until Tony and Wank simultaneously realized that they were both following the other; 30 minutes of backtracking to find the bathrooms before simply urinating through the slots of Jenny Speceâs locker (it was unanimously decided on as retribution for her terrible handjob techniques; itâs like stroking a beloved pet,
Three hundred pounds of pre-sliced potato mana; the starchy ambrosia; yellow gold.âIâm going to make all of them,â Wank whispered in awe. He rushed over and began alternately praying to, swearing at and punching the fryer. After what seemed like a frankly unnecessary flying elbow, he finally managed to hit the "ON" button. The machine kicked to life. âDude, just use the manual,â Tony offered the booklet helpfully. Wank promptly seized it and dropped it into the deep fryer, âRecords are for the weak of mind and demented! We are young and clever; we will not suffer instructions!â âI cannot conceive of a situation in which losing the instructions for an intensely complicated and dangerous piece of machinery has ever ended well.â âWell clearly it's working: They have become deep fried and delicious. Now you may dine on your precious instructions.â Tony could not shake an ominous feeling of foreshadowing, but he ate the manual anyway because he was extremely high and that is just what extremely high people do.
"This is the best fucking report I have ever eaten."*** âWe are clearly breaking some sort of record for net French fry profits here, dude,â Tony had grown paranoid of grease splatter somewhere around the hundredth pound heâd fried, wrapped himself in all the aprons in the kitchen and donned a spare football helmet. âYou look like an ass,â Wank observed, horking down French fries more out of determination than desire at this point. âSafety first.â âIâm safe,â Wank protested. âSafe? You? I think the safest thing to do would have been not to shatter the auto-shutoff switch with a heel kick.â âWere you satisfied with eight pounds? Eight fucking worthless pounds? Because thatâs what the machine said. The machine said âstop at eight, Wankâ and I was all âwe proceed, machine, gather your nerve!â and the machine was all âIâm scaredâ and I was all âIâll hold you, machineâ and she was all âyouâre so big and strongâ and I was all âtake your top off, Jennyâ and she totally did.â