Maybe you didn't hear about it because your head was so far up your own ass that all the butt sounds blocked out actual news, but our decorations are state-famous. Not one, not two, but three local affiliates of major news networks came out here last year to see the show we coordinated to Mannheim Steamroller. People saw that broadcast as far away as Green River. Who else in this cul-de-sac can say they're doing as much to put our community on the map? And don't you dare say Ricky Monahan leading the Cherry Hill Wolverines to a winning season because I happen to know that even the Division III schools won't accept that kid next year. That's right, Tom and Susan -- sometimes we get your mail by mistake, and I sure-as-s**t read it.
C'mon, your number suggests you were playing football for the wrong reasons anyway.
Oh, and for all of you ganging up in support of Karen Macintyre and her "condition," open your goddamn eyes, sheeple. She's playing all of you. If any of you actually read a blog once in a while, you'd know epilepsy is psychosomatic, and any plain old person can bite through his or her tongue while saying it's a neighbor's fault. She can take all the ambulance rides to the ER from now until eternity -- she's not gaining any sympathizers from this house and I ask that you at least consider for a second the kind of person who would take advantage of the season of giving for her own personal gain, stealing the focus off festivity just to get a little extra attention, and, for all we know, a pile of pain killers from some trusting hospital. You think our lightshow is hard to watch, Karen? Good luck sleeping through the flickering lights during your eternity in hell.
Though to be fair, the music is probably the same.