Obviously, for moral and legal reasons, I can't actually recommend that you take narcotics to have ideas. For similar reasons, I'm not going to say whether I did the same myself.
Set Off The Sprinklers In The Office
But clearly I did.
Oh, you narcotics.
After the experimental ingestion of some hand sanitizer, my mind proceeded to get especially slippery, leading me to draw incredible connections across time and space. One side effect of this was that I forgot everything I previously understood about shower thinking. A second side effect was that I wastedly set off the sprinklers in my office. If I had to guess why with my sober mind after the fact, I perhaps mistook the dampening qualities of showers with their actual useful qualities.
Or I was trying to get bugs off me.
And although this did result in some quick thinking on the part of the fire department, which found the culprit behind this act in good time, it didn't really take much "lateral thinking" on their part, considering said culprit was under my desk, holding a box of matches and weeping about The Shame.
Unexpectedly, this whole episode led to the best method I'd found yet for generating shower ideas ...
So there was an unwritten rule in my company's employee handbook about this kind of thing, along with several very clearly written ones, and I soon found myself without a place to go during the day. Ironically, by lifting all of the idea-generation pressure off my shoulders and giving me just gobs of time for showering, this led to a nearly endless supply of incredible ideas bursting from my mind. For the idea-generating areas of my life, losing my job was the best thing that could have ever happened to me.
In other areas, it was extremely not good.
To be fair, a huge percentage of the ideas I got were related to secret touches, and thus of limited use to you or the market in general. No one getting rich off that. But at least one led to me getting my job back, so that's something.
Well. It led me to a way to hide in the ceiling of my old workplace.
Rintojiang via Wikimedia Commons
And again, this was mostly still about the secret touches.
Chris Bucholz is a Cracked columnist, and lurking above you right now. The author of the science fiction novel Severance, his next novel, Freeze/Thaw, is available right now! Holy shit! Join him on Facebook or Twitter.
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