9 Ways to Get Back Into Work Mode After a Holiday

But hear me out. Well, first clean up your monitor, then hear me out. When you arrive to work early, there's usually no one else around, because arriving for work early is monitor-wrecking insane. But that means you can get stuff done without your colleagues giving you more work to do. Half the task of cleaning off your desk is moving crap on to someone else's desk, and if you can get all that done before people start shoveling it back to you, you can avoid that frustrating sensation of trying to clear a big pile of work while that pile is still growing.

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"Gordon, could you not mutter threats when I give you work?"

So go ahead and roll into the office a couple hours early. It might hurt up front, but you will benefit in the long run. More importantly, you'll be able to make a huge ass of yourself lording it over everyone all day, which is, for me at least, perpetually one of my New Year's Resolutions.

The simplest way to break out of this is to find something in the future that's fun, something you can look forward too. This could be another vacation, but as that's probably still months away, why not pick something simpler, like the mini-vacation we get every day when we go home. What fun activity do you have planned for tonight? Visualize that, and watch it give you the energy you need to power through the day.

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This. This makes it all worth it.

But that probably won't work so good. You might not even really consciously know your password, it being sort of this muscle-memory thing you do when you sit in front of a keyboard. Just stop thinking about it and start typing.

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Ahh! Of course! Y-O-U-P-O-R-N ... no, wait, that's something else.

It was password7, wasn't it? No. OK. swordfish7. No. passfish7. Wait, we're getting warmer. passfish8, right?

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Colder.

And now you're locked out. Well, that's OK. IT can reset it for you. When they get to the office in an hour. Still, you can hardly be blamed if someone else's sloth is slowing you down. You're the hero of this story, the diligent worker being slowed down by parasites.

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Dammit, it was parasite7, wasn't it?

More importantly, if you get this chatter out of the way early, it won't distract you from getting work done later. "How was your vacation?" you can say. "Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh," you can respond at appropriate times. "I fought a lion," you can reply when it's your turn to speak. You know, just basic conversation stuff.

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"It was ferocious," you can add.

Then, when everyone's stopped talking to you, you'll be able to get back to work without distraction.

To start, I'd recommend knocking off the easy stuff first. This will give you a nice sense of momentum that can carry you into the harder tasks. First, go through your inbox and read all the emails that require no action on your part. You know the ones. Corporate newsletters, joke threads, that kind of thing. Nice, right? Avoid anything from your boss, or a client, or anyone that knows your actual name and what you do. If the subject line of the email implies it might contain work, just set that aside for now.

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Sadly and somewhat ironically, this includes anything marked "Urgent."

So, what'd that do? Cleared like half the emails out of your inbox, didn't it? Nice! And you did that in like 10 minutes. At this pace, you'll be done with all your work by 11:20. That's almost insultingly efficient, and you now run a serious risk of making your co-workers look bad. In the interest of promoting a harmonious work environment, it's time to throttle back a bit. You know, I bet a ton of websites have put up great content for you to check out?

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For example, consider navigating to Cracked.com, which is perpetually dripping
with the hot-ass content that teens go crazy for.

Now that you're really starting to feel it, that urge to work coursing through your veins, it's time to ... oh, look at that, lunchtime.

Now you have no unread emails, and work is basically done for the day! If anyone comes bothering you, you now have something to show them. "Swamped after the holidays, chief!" you can say while aggressively waving your list in his face.

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"This paper says you can't get mad!"

But by the time they get angry enough to bring out the big whip, you'll hopefully have made it to, like, Easter or something. Everyone will go on vacation for a few days, and when you get back the cycle can begin again.

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Only now with awesome spring-themed bae fleek swag to yolo.

Chris Bucholz is a Cracked columnist and got in early today, chief. His first novel, Severance, is incredible and available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, or Apex Books. Join him on Facebook or Twitter.

For more from Bucholz, check out 4 Ways to Fight Back Against Stupid Office Pranks and Greatest Customer Feedback Ever Sent to McDonald's.

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