For those of you too young to remember him before his 1999 death, John F. Kennedy Jr. grew up to be a lawyer, publisher, and owner of a Selleckian coif that made the panties drop:

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You might say this shirtless picture of Kennedy made a "Splash" among the ladies! Or not say that!

Years before JFK Jr. was a heartthrob, before anyone started wondering about what Papa Joe did to earn the curse that was killing his boys, John F. Kennedy Jr. was just a boy who loved his sweet-ass fishy dress. Can you blame him?

Speaking of presidents' kids ...

John Roosevelt called out FDR for stealing his black pen, much like the wealthy would call him out for stealing their wages 10 years later. Which leads to at least a dozen questions: How precious of a commodity were black pens in 1924? Did John have to leave his shoe with a nanny to borrow the black pen that he used for this letter? Was FDR a chronic pen stealer, as John alleges, and if so, should we take his face off the dime? I vote "yes," but that's only because I haven't used dimes in three years.

After going the hell out of his way to demonstrate how whiny he's going to be during his teen years, John pulls a move that's half adorable and half psychopath-y. He draws a picture of his dad, heavily highlighting his father's ears and theeths.

Franklin D. Roosevelt Presidential Library
Translation: I'm sorry your legs aren't working. Here's a caricature of your most hilarious features as compensation.

The whole letter speaks highly of FDR as a parent; his son felt so comfortable with his father that he drew him as a living jack-o'-lantern, complete with Dumbo ears, an upside down light bulb for a body, and anorexic broomsticks for arms.

Even if you've never taken a Russian history class or paid a street psychic to conjure the spirit of the Romanovs at a dinner party, you've probably seen the 1997 cartoon Anastasia. According to that movie, Rasputin was made of magic, the royal daughter Anastasia escaped execution, and everything turns out fine if you sing hard enough. The true history of the Romanovs was slightly grimmer.

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In real life, Rasputin was only half magic.

Thanks to the stiff-necked, hoity-toity looking photography of the time, we usually picture the Romanovs as grim-faced Victorians, but Russianer. Until the day they were murdered by the Bolsheviks, the Romanovs were actually a fun-loving group. And we've got the pictures to prove it. Here is Anastasia in her natural habitat, having fun with a camera and someone's dentures:

http://historicaltimes.tumblr.com/
I'd like to think they're Rasputin's.

Anastasia's parents and aunts and uncles were even zanier. Here's a picture of her father, the future tsar of Russia, making monkey faces with his cousins, because apparently making faces was the only thing Russian imperials were good at.

http://www.retronaut.com/
You can't tell from the picture, but they're all farting here.

While I can't imagine the circumstances that compelled Russian royalty to capture their best simultaneous seizure faces, I really can't imagine a reason for a grown man to climb on another grown man's back and play airplane unless they've got a homosexual date going on later. But here it is: the future leader of Russia with a propeller in his mouth so you don't miss that this is, in fact, an approximation of a plane.

http://www.retronaut.com/
You can't tell from the picture, but Nicholas represents the landed aristocracy and the other person
represents Domodedovo International Airport runway.

After 50 years as the world's most stubborn and tangly bearded communist leader, Fidel Castro never struck anyone as a big goof. Between the fatigues and the constant presence of a cigar and his actual physical frame (he is 6'3"!), Castro struck an intimidating figure back in his prime. No wonder some of his facial hair refused to grow in certain patches of his face. Even his hairs were scared of him.

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Stare long enough and the bald spots look like angel wings.

But before Castro became the Castro who clung to his seat of power for 50 years, he was a divorced dad who just took over a little country. In 1959, Castro used a work trip to the United States to hang out with Fidelito, his third grade son, who was going to school in Queens. Not only did Fidelito meet up with his dad, but he brought a few school friends, who dressed up like Fidel Castro for the visit.

Those kids in the picture above aren't Cuban schoolchildren in a Cuban PR stunt hanging out with their Cuban president in a Cuban White House. These are red-blooded New Yorkers in fake beards and military caps, fawning over the biggest communist presence in the Western hemisphere. When asked about the visit later as adults, Fidelito's ex-school pals just thought their friend's dad was a cool army guy with a cool beard.

Thanks to the movie and the countless story songs he wrote, we all know Johnny Cash's bio pretty well. He struggled with the demons of addiction and fire rings, he dressed in black as a reminder of all the people suffering in the world, and he's the only country artist everyone claims to respect or enjoy.

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"I hate country but I love Trisha Yearwood, I mean Johnny Cash."

But there's a secret about Johnny Cash that modern fans tend to overlook, forget, or simply not know: Johnny Cash was as dorky as he was badass. Yes, he played prison shows to provide entertainment to inmates, but he also traded puns on the cornball show Hee-Haw and hosted his own variety show for a year. The same guy who was once busted for smuggling drugs across the Mexican border later endorsed Taco Bell. (That one kind of makes sense, actually.) Do you know what doesn't make sense? "Chicken in Black," a god-awful Johnny Cash song about a man who has his brain implanted into a chicken. A CHICKEN.

Personally, I love the fact that this hard-living country outlaw was also a big dork. So this picture of Johnny Cash sitting criss-cross apple sauce in the bushes and eating a cake with his bare hands is pretty perfect. Yes, he's probably high as balls, which hopefully also explains why he's dressed like an old-timey railroad engineer, scarf and all. Either way, the fact that the man couldn't care less what you or I thought of him was what made him cool.

By the time this picture was taken 1957, Pablo Picasso was 76 years old, stupid-rich from his art, and dripping with a trail of lovers so long that if you lined them up and cubed them, you could get to the moon and back. So it's not surprising that the man had more swagger than most in his old age. It's a liiiiiiiittle surprising that his bravado manifested itself in a prosthetic nose, a fake beard, a captain's hat, and smoking a comically oversized pipe. If your granddad walked out of his room looking like Popeye, you'd either call the home or ask if he's Johnny Depping it up for a big movie part.

Hold up -- Popeye doesn't even have a beard. What kind of crap was Picasso trying to pull anyway? Did we just get Picassoed?

Back then, people would host serious events and half the participants showed up looking like they just fell off the circus train. And that's how we ended up with this 1974 picture of President Ford playing golf with three congressmen we're going to call Representative Tablecloth, Senator Gunt, and Senator Flower Power. If you're anything like me, you probably did a double take on Senator Flower Power, because he looks a little like a Joker Dick Nixon.

On the other hand, you could pick up this incarnation of President Ford and plop him down at the 2014 Masters, and he'd fit right in. He'd probably be baffled by the lack of psychedelic vomit clothes, but give him a doobie, and he'd feel right at home.

It turns out that moments of leisure in the '50s were opportunities for icons of virility to squeeze their moose knuckles into polyester Daisy Dukes.