So this movie came out this past weekend about massive fighting robots. I don't know the name - I think it was the George Clooney one.
That's definitely it. I think Ides was the name of the robot.
Anyways, this film was set in a curious near-future where competitive fighting is no longer done with fellas in little shorts and is instead done with massive robots who wear no shorts at all. The movie presumably goes into some explanation for why robots have entered this role, but not having seen the film, I'm limited to stating that it probably wasn't very convincing.
Because a future where massive humanoid robots that do our bidding is only one really inspired lunatic away from becoming a reality, I decided to compile a list of all the cool things a lunatic could do with a massive humanoid robot. To ensure accuracy, I accomplished this by standing outside my local mental hospital and shouting questions at the open windows, recording whatever was shrieked back at me. After some time with the spell checker, and the removing hateful slurs checkers, I've come up with the 9 most inspired ways to abuse society with a massive robot. Hopefully this will inspire some of the lunatics that regularly read this column to get off their probably quite large asses, and invent some massive robots.
According to a survey of commuters, less than 1% of people currently commute to work on the shoulders of an enormous robot. But 100% would do so if it was an option. "Is it an option?" 80% of that same group asked the surveyor, seizing him by his lapels.
The advantages of riding to work on the shoulders of an enormous robot are too obvious to mention, but will at minimum include:
- Increased visibility
- The ability to use pedestrianized shortcuts
- Carpooling lane privileges
- Intimidation of tollbooth operators.
A robot would also look very impressive when parked outside your office, winning you much admiration and prestige. When parked it would also, obviously, be theft resistant, and could also run errands for you while you're at work. Truthfully, having a robot for commuting would make you pretty much royalty, a prince among men.
Prince quite probably already has a massive robot friend which he rides around the house.