If ad campaigns were people, this one would be sweating profusely, wringing his hands, and yelling, "It's not what it looks like, I swear!" And then he'd commit suicide. Because what it looks like is a nightmare future where children sunbathe in the nude under the intimate supervision of Dr. Horrible ... all thanks to dehydrated milk. For the benefit of our blind friends, let's do a quick breakdown of all that's wrong with this Cocomalt ad. In this one image we have:
- A flock of topless toddlers.
- An army line of dark-skinned diaper-clad children marching through the frozen tundra. OR an army line of children wearing black morphsuits.
- One happy child playing in the surf, tank top askew to reveal a nipple.
- Two TOTALLY nude boys bathing under a sunlamp and the glare of a grown man staring at their bottom parts.
Next time you're having a heated holiday argument with your grandparents (because you're awful ... who argues with their grandparents?), just remind them how OK past generations were with child nudity and you'll win. After all, Shirley Temple, Jodie Foster, the Olsen twins, and the Ubu dog all started their careers in various states of undress. But even if we sweep the specter of child nakedness into the Things We Dare Not Talk About Containment Unit, there's still a whole lot of scary going on with this ad. Like the fact that every kid minus Happy Nipples looks like an eyeless robot. Or if you look hard enough, the sun lamp isn't a lamp at all, but a giant spiked German helmet from World War I.
It's not until you read the text that you figure out what's going on here. Before our elders discovered the dangers of overexposure to UV rays or pedophilia, winter and sunless days were considered the enemy of good health. As if the season of winter were personally murdering kids on the daily.