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Do: Take a Chance With Morbid Obesity
Commuters come in all shapes and sizes. Tiny little girls, morbidly obese men and people like me who, even a decade after retiring from Calvin Klein underwear modeling, are still only a mere 15 pounds from their desired weight. To have the best traveling experience, you need to engage in some body-proportion profiling. But wait, this isn't going where you think. I would no sooner make fun of a fat person in print than I would accuse Cracked's own Adam Tod Brown of constantly ripping ass. This entry is about those occasions where you might want to consider embracing your larger commuters.
First off, in my experience, some heavier travelers are actually very conscious of their dimensions and far more considerate than some bony-assed businessman who has no compunction about driving his razor elbows into your ribs while he folds and unfolds his New York Times crossword puzzle like it's some blanket at a douchebag picnic.
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What's an eight-letter word for murdered commuter?
But more importantly, my train comes with three-seaters. Upon seeing a fairly large commuter in the window seat, lesser travelers might avoid the row based on the possibly unfounded notion that things will get tight there pretty quickly. However, have you considered taking the aisle seat? Once you secure that location, the odds of someone opting for the half seat between you and your companion are greatly diminished. Yes, it's possible, but in my experience, the only commuters who go for such seats are diminutive little ladies, so it's kind of a wash.
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