His Coming Shall Be Foretold

"Welp, looks like we've angered the Hellephant again. Water? Ha ha ha! What the f**k, Steve?! Is this your first day? No. Bill, you break out the iron cruciforms. Gus, start stabbing the hoses into virgins. Carl, I'm so sorry -- you're on Batchild patrol."

This is actually an undoctored picture of a

His Shadow Shall Block the Sky

This is what happens immediately after you finish signing that contract with Satan, and all you're left with is a mysteriously echoing laugh. This is the Fourth Sign of the Coming, right before the ground starts bleeding but just after all cats disappear from the Earth. This is how you know God is displeased with your selection of Pope.

OK, so it's actually a picture of

The Earth Shall Bleed

What, you thought I was kidding about the Dark Eclipse coming right before the Earth starts bleeding? What kind of horrible jackass would joke about something like that?

This is a picture of, no s**t,

a place called Blood Falls in Antarctica. Here's the actual explanation: "2 million years ago the Taylor Glacier sealed off a small body of water that contained a community of microbes. This small pool of wild animals has not seen oxygen, sunlight or heat since that time. As the earth warmed and the glaciers in Antarctica melted away, these organisms have been independently evolving for eons without any outside contact. Until now, when they've suddenly sprung forth from the glacier. The frothy water is rich in iron, which gives it the striking red color. These strangely alien microbes may exist nowhere else on earth, and they give scientists an idea of what kind of life may survive after the earth becomes uninhabitable by almost all other life forms."

So, there's a place called Blood Falls, located on the frozen, cruel and empty continent of Antarctica, that contains strange life forms which have been sealed away for untold ages, and have now awoken and spilled forth onto the world. Oh yeah, and they'll probably be the last things alive on the planet.

Ladies and gentlemen, we have done a great disservice to a man; all this time, H.P. Lovecraft was writing

His Servants Are Among Us

Let's be fair: This is just a portrait of

an unfortunate woman. Unfortunate because she's lived just a bit too long and has grown to resemble some horror-trope crone. Unfortunate because she's clearly suffering from some bizarre health issues. Unfortunate because she does not have access to care to correct these issues. And perhaps most unfortunate of all, because she has given her body over to demons who now walk the Earth in human skin, only distinguishable by their black eyes and the

Beware His Little Messengers

If doves are the messengers of the Lord, then the

On a Fiery Steed He Rides...

This is either a picture of the exact moment that Satan busted out his hot rod and started tearing ass into the apocalypse, or else poor Marty's stuck right at 87 MPH again. This photo was

In His Unholy House

The entrance to hell is a labyrinth. A vast, snaking maze of caverns bathed in fire, where the lost and the damned wander, uncertain and afraid, for untold eons. The fires burn so hot and for so long in those twisted, screaming caves that the rock itself melts and drips down like water. The burning liquid passes through skin like air; it fuses to bone.

This is the only rain in hell.

And the crazy thing? That's

The Gate to His Realm

There are many different versions of the devil, and many interpretations of what it means for him to walk the Earth. Some say he is but a corruption of our best intentions, and that we invite him in when we are dishonest. Others say that Satan is a literal being, but it's his son who will return to the world, born of a woman to trick us into believing he is human. Me? I say the devil is like Shaft: Just ain't no need to be subtle when you're a badass m**********r and everybody knows it. He's going to kick open the doors of hell and charge in, guns blazing and guitars wailing. And by the looks of these pictures, that happened a long time ago:

This is an area outside of Darvaz in Uzbekistan. The locals call it (surprise!)