6

"China Man"

costumecraze.com

Speaking of things that are still happening in the year 2013 -- you know, the actual 21st century that we're all living in right now? -- here's a costume that someone thought was a good idea to name "China Man." Seriously: That's what's on the label.

For those of you wondering about the characters on the jacket -- or "China Words," as they're probably known down at the ol' Costume Factory -- I believe the top one says "garden" and then the rest are just a bunch of made-up bullshit, which is somehow even more offensive than if they'd just pulled random-ass words off a Chinese menu, which, now that I write it, is definitely how they ended up with "garden."

Astonishingly, the costume doesn't include the hat, or the eyeliner used on this friendly model in an attempt to make him look more insultingly Asian. But don't worry, your local Grand Wizard will probably have that at the party.

5

"Chinese Take-Out"

costumeexpress.com

4

"Samurai"

rubies.com

Well, I don't know about you, but this is definitely the image that pops into my head when I think of the word "samurai." Why, I had to rub my eyes and do a double-take just to make sure that I wasn't looking at a screenshot of Toshiro Mifune from one of Akira Kurosawa's movies! That's how authentic to the tradition of the samurai this costume is!

On the plus side, this costume is probably the closest we have on the list to being actually frightening, but I'm not sure if the Super Gross Toenail is included with the costume or sold as an accessory or what:

rubies.com

Look, I try not to go after the models on costume sites because their lives clearly didn't turn out as they'd hoped, but seriously, dude. Get that checked out by a podiatrist. That shit is worrisome.

3

"Taco"

buycostumes.com

2

"Taco Dog"

halloweencostumes.com

Nope. Just looks like that pug is hella racist.

1

"Sexy Chinese Geisha"

polyvore.com

Finally, we have the "Sexy Chinese Geisha." Because, you know, geisha are definitely something that is from China, and not, say, another Asian country that is culturally distinct that you could find out in literally less than two seconds just by typing the word "geisha" into a computer. Personally, I think it looks more like an Old West Saloon Girl anyway, but, well, that's why I'm writing jokes and not rolling on a mountain of hundred-dollar bills earned with sexy, sexy racism.

The best (well, "best") part of this one, though, isn't the costume itself, or even the name. It's the official product description that accompanied it, letting potential customers know that it was a great costume for "traditional Japanese and oriental women."

Come on, costume sites. Make up your mind: Is it for Chinese geisha or Japanese Oriental women? I'm pretty sure there's a difference.

Be sure to check out 5 Classic Horror Movies (If They Had a $1 Budget) and vote for your favorite.