8 Insane Kids' Toys You'll Wish Were Real

Kids these days are pussies. Wait, don't leave, I have a solution! Millennials were marketed action figures for straight-up R-rated movies like Terminator 2. Even the genital-blasting RoboCop got his own toy line. Granted, it was for the animated series, but he was still totally murdered in the intro. And if my data-scrolls are correct, children born before 1975 were issued handguns at birth and regularly played with munitions. Was this healthy? Maybe not. Did this help prepare everyone under 25 for the great stockpile wars of 2028? Time will tell. I guess what I'm saying is that children need more age-inappropriate material turned into dope-as-hell products their parents can blindly placate them with! Like these:

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Snowpiercer

8 Insane Kids' Toys You'll Wish Were Real

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Nightcrawler

8 Insane Kids' Toys You'll Wish Were Real

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American Sniper

8 Insane Kids' Toys You'll Wish Were Real

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Django Unchained

8 Insane Kids' Toys You'll Wish Were Real

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The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo

8 Insane Kids' Toys You'll Wish Were Real

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John Wick

8 Insane Kids' Toys You'll Wish Were Real

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Magic Mike

8 Insane Kids' Toys You'll Wish Were Real

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Straight Outta Compton

8 Insane Kids' Toys You'll Wish Were Real

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For more kids toys that children probably shouldn't have access to, check out 15 Unintentionally Perverted Toys Children and 6 Beloved 80's Toys With Bizarrely Horrifying Origin Stories because why should a child's life be any less horrifying than it already is?

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