But because you had the foresight and indeed wisdom to read Cracked for hours of every working day, you knew this was coming. So don't panic, and accept your wounds and cutting insults gracefully, biding your time until you can deploy your secret weapon.
Which means you now have to ...
Huge, salty tears are completely unexpected in most vengeance/business settings, and many people won't know how to handle them. Disgust, obviously, that you would debase yourself so comprehensively. Expect to get spit upon or have gum put in your hair.
Or be pelted with mediocre little sandwiches.
More importantly, though, crying triggers very predictable responses in those who witness it. They will immediately feel superior to you, as they should, because they're not crying and you are. But feeling superior to someone makes it much easier to underestimate them, which you will soon turn to your advantage.
Use The Forbidden Technique!
Now, while your foe has turned their back in disgust at your sandwich-covered form! How your forbidden technique works will depend a lot on the school your master comes from, so I'll leave it up to you to decide how best to deploy this leg sweep, regression analysis, or overhead machete strike.
In retrospect, your workplace mentor may not have actually been employed there.
And now that your cries of fear have been replaced with cries of bloodlust, and everyone's cheering your name, you'll have done it. Your master, the weakling, has been avenged. You now have the right to wear their clothes around the dojo/office and, in time, become a master yourself.
"WHO HAS THE FORTITUDE TO TRAIN AT MY FEET?"
Chris Bucholz is a Cracked columnist and constantly surrounded by people wishing to train at his feet. His first novel, Severance, is incredible and available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, or Apex Books. Join him on Facebook or Twitter.
Learn more from the Chris Bucholz school of combat in So You're In A Fight To The Death In A Hall Of Mirrors, and make sure to get a good lawyer after you read 5 Ways To Attack Children With A Stick.
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