It's almost as if the people making these DC films have no fucking clue what they're doing. Meanwhile, in a faraway land where movies aren't terrible, we're seeing other filmmakers use the Internet more and more to communicate with fans. That isn't to say they should do everything we ask, but when Michael Bay & Friends were faced with insurmountable online backlash for trying to make the Ninja Turtles into space aliens, they actually went back in and changed it. Did it make a perfect film? Yeah, no. But thanks to fan feedback, the upcoming sequel is actually making efforts to steer the franchise in the right direction with a sane-looking Shredder and more focus on the turtles as main characters. Also, fucking Bebop and Rocksteady driving a goddamn tank.
If we're not careful, we may actually see this movie on purpose.
It's a tank, you guys. In what looks like fucking whitewater rapids. What the fuck are they doing in all that whitewater rapids? Who gives a fuck? I know I've gone on and on about the reality disconnect of CGI, but this is the fucking Ninja Turtles -- a series for children that gets more disturbing the more photoreal it gets. Isn't it nice to know that when audiences said that Shredder looked like crap, they actually did something about it? Isn't it nice to know that when Neill Blomkamp told everyone about the Alien film he wanted to do, we made enough Twitter chatter that the studio seriously considered it?
I know it sounds cynical to say that these reboots and adaptations are all just pandering to fan bases and escapism, but they kind of are. So if we're gonna make a Superman film every damn year, they might as well ask us what we want to see first. Because I guarantee the popular vote isn't "a confounding jumble of rubble and torment in perpetual darkness." We're already gonna get enough of that if Trump wins.
David is a Cracked columnist, researcher, and editor. Hit him up on the Twitter.
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