And to make matters worse, Dave has loaded his project with various booby traps and even cardboard fantasy creatures, such as a murderous minotaur out for blood while dressed like a sweded Gwar member.

Gravitas Ventures
"If I only had a brain ... your brain!"

Gravitas Ventures
If you look closely, his abs are their own maze too.

Fucking delightful! While screenings of the film are currently sporadic, it's due to arrive on streaming and have a limited theatrical release on August 18th. Do consider it for your next binge-watching drug party, as it clearly goes great with paper bags and wood glue.

... right up until the moment it abruptly stops serving that function.

Entertainment Factory

Entertainment Factory

Entertainment Factory
"I've always wanted to do this ..." *clears throat, grabs ceiling mic* "LLLLLET'S GET READY TO RUMBLLLLLLLEEE!"

I do not believe it's going to shock you to know that the prisoners get loose, causing a procession of unspeakable gore and violence. What's special about this film isn't necessarily the plot, but rather the cast -- which is made up of a collection of classic horror movie actors, making it comparable to an Expendables film for slashers.

There's Kane Hodder, aka Jason in the later Friday The 13th films ...

Entertainment Factory

... Barbara Crampton, who got naked with a corpse head in Re-Animator before appearing in later horror like We Are Still Here ...

Entertainment Factory
And a cameo from the wig in the Sia "Chandelier" video.

... Dee Wallace, the iconic scream queen from The Hills Have Eyes and The Howling ...

Entertainment Factory

... Sid Haig, who you might remember from Wizards Of The Lost Kingdom II, as well as a few things that guy from White Zombie did ...

Entertainment Factory
Under that clown make-up, he looks ... yeah, still pretty terrifying.

... and of course Tony Todd aka Candyman.

Entertainment Factory
Who, despite being in his fifties, hasn't aged a day since he turned 30.

Other stars not seen in the trailer include The Hills Have Eyes' Michael Berryman, I Spit On Your Grave's Camille Keaton, Sleepaway Camp's Felissa Rose, Adrienne Barbeau from The Fog and Creepshow, as well as Chop Top himself -- Bill Moseley.

And while it might seem bittersweet to have such a old-school reunion written by a man far too dead to appear in the movie himself, according to the director Gunnar Hansen will in fact have a final onscreen credit for the movie -- thanks to the "wonders of digital technology." No clue what that means, but if it's anything like Peter Cushing's Rogue One appearance it'll be sure to invoke plenty of horror.

It's hard to talk about this film without spoiling why it sounds interesting, but with the risk of sounding overly vague, the reason it's been so praised sounds similar to previous horror satires like Cabin In The Woods and You're Next. In other words: While Better Watch Out starts like your typical slasher film, it takes a serious deviation halfway through.

And while I'm not entirely sure what that deviation is -- considering all the comparisons to Home Alone -- I'm guessing it has something to do with the way 80s and 90s kids films would treat extreme violence toward adults as some kind of laughing matter. I'm guessing that this film doesn't do that -- as evidenced by the childish ways these characters appear to be in mortal goddamn danger:

Well Go USA Entertainment

Well Go USA Entertainment
This is also what happens when you order ketchup on a hot dog in Chicago.

What I'm say here is, there's really no difference between Home Alone and The Good Son -- the film where Macaulay Culkin played an evil contraption-making child. And my guess is that Better Watch Out is going to point that out in some wonderful, cartoonish, and especially violent way.

This is the ungodly wash of disjointed images you can enjoy in the film's trailer. The plot, which you could never figure out without looking it up, is about a young YouTube celebrity perpetually vexed by a single anonymous and disheartening commenter egging her into more and more extreme acts -- which include but aren't limited to robbery, assault, kidnapping, and the big M. Most if not all of which, by the way, are performed on older to middle-aged men -- who our hero apparently has a fetish for tormenting.

Dogfish Pictures

Dogfish Pictures

Dogfish Pictures

Dogfish Pictures
Still not the weirdest fetish you can find on YouTube.

So if watching dad bods writhe is your thing, I guess check this out for sure. For all the rest of you sane people, be warned that reviews have described the film as pretty surreal and experimental, as even the director is somewhat vague about its meaning. But even if it is some stern talk-down about social media, the fact that it's told through the lens of some neon Holy Mountain fiasco counts me the fuck in for a ticket.

Being praised as one of the more surreal films to be featured at SXSW this year (where it was purchased to stream on Amazon), this story takes place in a dystopian world where abortion is illegal, but stem cell research has made great bounds. This is where the Infinity Baby comes from, a company run by the main character's uncle (played by Nick Offerman), in which our hero secretly steals a product from in a money-making scheme. Also, our hero is a Culkin. Not the main Culkin, but one of the other ones -- the Scott Pilgrim Culkin ... who is actually a pretty great Culkin.

Faliro House Productions

Faliro House Productions
The actress opposite Culkin should look familiar , too.

It also features Martin Starr, Noel Wells, and Megan Mullally and appears to be entirely in black and white like some kind of 90s indie film. Also like a 90s indie film, it's centered on a lazy 20-something protagonist locked in a woeful relationship struggle. The fact that the "infinity baby" he takes care of is designed for minimal maintenance probably links to a message about the new generation being locked into a state of perpetual youth hood or some shit. Whatever the case, it's about time we started getting monotone indie slacker flicks for millennials. I just didn't think it would also include a baby-cloning subplot.

That there is Olivia Cooke and Anya Taylor-Joy, the latter you might recognize from starring in The Witch, Morgan, and Split in somewhat blank-faced performances not far off from full-blown psychopathy. She and Cooke play two wealthy, boarding-school teens with a violent streak behind them -- as Cooke's character begins the film having murdered her family horse with "savage indifference." Together they bond over destroying a common enemy, a jerk stepfather who they intend to put a hit on -- no doubt resulting in some kind of macabre clusterfuck of inhumanity.

The film, soon to be distributed by Focus Features, happens to be one of Anton Yelchin's final films as he plays a sex offender/stoner the girls put up to carrying out their unspeakable deeds.

Focus Features
He's two 21 Jump Street villains in one.

Aside from all the mayhem and horse slaughter, the main reason this film looks to be worth our time is the fact that early reviews has it at a perfect 100 percent on Rotten Tomatoes -- the first-time director/playwright Corey Finley being compared to a young Park Chan-wook, who is the name behind the original Oldboy. In other words -- this is one of those under-advertised films you can surely expect to happen upon on Netflix some sunny afternoon to get a surprise dose of mental trauma.

Also, it's not so much an "apprenticeship" as it is a "kidnapping" and "brainwashing" -- all of which involve a giant cuddly bear mascot named Brigsby, who looks positively like something out of a Five Nights At Freddy's origin story. And oddly enough, this film isn't labeled as a horror or a comedy, but a piece of dramatic fiction that happens to feature a anthropomorphized Baloo captor.

Sony Pictures Classics

Sony Pictures Classics
"Why do you wear that stupid bear suit?"
"Why do you wear that stupid geek suit?"

That last picture is of SNL alum Kyle Mooney, who wrote and stars in this as a boy raised in a bunker by his parents (played by Hamill and Jane Adams), whose entire world revolves around a children's show spouting convenient messages about the dangers of curiosity. This sinister charade lasts up until the inevitable FBI raid and the revelation that his parents aren't actually his parents, nor is the Brigsby Bear show real. The rest of the film plays out with a touch of Kimmy Schmidt, as our lead is forced to meet his biological family and accept the real, less sugar-coated world he was denied. The biggest disappointment of all being the loss of his favorite TV show, which he spends the rest of the film attempting to recreate for the world.

Sony Pictures Classics
Seen here running to the middle of nowhere after accidentally pitching his idea at Fur-Con.

For anyone curious about what happens after the end of The Truman Show, this movie seems to be exactly that -- only with Luke Skywalker in a bear costume, and therefore immensely better. Bring the kids and/or a Furry friend!