So an egg salad sandwich? No. Lamb Vindaloo? No. Curried Onion Fart Blasts? No. It's not rocket science. Nothing that can be smelled by anyone more than a row away. And if you're eating on public transportation we're assuming it's because you're ravenous so suck it down and move on. No luxurious consumption. Remember, the longer you leave it exposed to subway air, the higher the odds that you'll be sprinkling it with rat feces molecules or flying Jamaican toenails.
The Me-First Taxi Sharers
In big cities it's usually yellow cabs with one fare per customer. But in smaller cities and towns, it's not unusual for taxis to take several people in one cab, charging 3 separate fares. And unless you're riding with Lord of the Flies travel, order of drop off is usually decided by either the order you got in the cab or the quickest overall route for the driver. It is not decided upon your belief that you are inherently better than every other passenger in the car. It is not decided by the quality of your suit or your how nice a car you have (when you're not requiring a taxi)
I live walking distance from my station, but last week when I got off the train, I was caught in a downpour with no umbrella. I took a cab. Another gentlemen entered just as the driver was about to take off for my destination which is literally two blocks off the road that leads to the station. Immediately, the gentleman began insisting he go first:
"I'm five minutes away," he said. "Right off SwaimRapesDogs Blvd."
(That's not the actual name of the street, but I am actively lobbying my local representative for a change.)
"You're gonna hit my house first," I said. "You reach my street, CodyHasSTDs Lane, before you even get to SwaimRapesDogs Blvd."
(It should be noted that I do actually live on CodyHasSTDs Lane).
"Yeah I understand that, but that's if you make a right out of here. If you make a left, I'm only five minutes away."
So let's recap here:
1. I was in the cab first;
2. My destination was far closer to the station than his; and
3. I'm lobbying my congressmen to change one of the streets in my town to SwaimRapesDogs Blvd.
The third point is unnecessary I'll admit, but given the first two, I was pretty shocked that I was involved in an argument. In response, I said nothing and just watched the driver take me home first. "I'll rise above this," I said to myself, and then sat down and wrote mean things about the bad man who was a big jerkface. Because I'm very mature.
Some day ... (sigh)
The Offensively Unbelievable Panhandlers
In most cities, and certainly New York, it's against the law to beg and panhandle on the subway. There are signs directing passengers to give to established charities and not to these individuals. Also, there is definitely a certain percentage of panhandlers who are not in need of assistance. Who beg for money as a source of income, playing on the heartstrings of passengers trapped in close proximity. Nevertheless, I know there has to be a certain percentage of people actually starving. I'm not talking about them. I'm only addressing the con artists. How do you separate the two? Because so many are soooo bad at it, and they're the ones I find most offensive. If you're going to pretend that begging and conning is a job, then at least be good at it.
Yeah, I'm talking to you, kid with a box of M&Ms. We all know you're not actually trying to raise money for your basketball team's tournament. And older dude, we don't care that you don't take drugs. You're not supposed to be a drug addict. You don't get hand-outs simply for not spending it on meth.
But perhaps the worst offender was a woman I saw a few years ago who actually tucked her shirt into her sweatpants and then begged for money for herself and for her unborn child. Seriously? You want money for that level of ingenuity? If you're trying to defraud me at lease invest in a pillow because presently you're carrying the only baby who could be aborted with the old "shirt's on fire, now it's out" trick.