You also need a good dragon to carry you up there. This means going up to a good dragon, the most ancient and powerful creature in existence, and explaining that you're going to ride it like a horsey while murdering its kind. Good luck with that.

*Told you the writer had run out of ideas.

Columbia
"MUST ... GET ... OUT OF TERRIBLE MOVIE!"

Columbia
That indistinct smear behind the ruins is the closest the monster gets for the entire fight.

Even if you can work the stupid thing, you'll die of boredom. And boredom combined with too many knives is how we ended up with emo.

A regular sledgehammer is how you tell people committing assault with blunt objects that you think they're a bit fancy. The Rocket Sledgehammer is how you apply for the position of Thor and remove an entire dimension from anyone who objects. It's what happens when Mjolnir is cast down to Earth and hits a Saturn V that was on the way up: the most awesome explosion in history, then both science and myth wipe the blood off their lips, gaze at each other with newfound respect, and proceed to passionate lovemaking, giving birth to the ultimate in badass weaponry.

Nintendo
A weapon that would make Grabthar piss himself.

This weapon makes the Lancer look like manicure equipment. You're putting the law of conservation of momentum in an armbar and hitting people with it. It doesn't matter what monster you're fighting: it's doomed, and that's all the CSI team will be able to tell about it afterward.

But the more awesome the weapon, the more unusable it is, and the Rocket Sledgehammer is more overkill than throwing a Big Bang grenade to clear an enemy trench. Activate the rocket and it'll rip your entire arm out of its socket, then blast off to make sure it can't be found in time to be reattached. Firing this will extremely literally disarm you.

If you're going to attack giant robotic Ultima-beam-blasting dragon-centaurs with a pointy bit of metal, it needs to at least ignore physics. Anything realistic can't touch an enemy like that. The real stupidest sword belonged to Auron in Final Fantasy X. That was a game about dreams of family dancing to let the souls of loved ones rest in peace, and Auron is how they prevented the discs from spontaneously turning into lace doilies. He was so tough that he died but refused to fade away until he had killed the immortal wizard who was responsible, and the fact that the wizard was already dead didn't stop him. He's more badass than a sumo bathroom after all-you-can-eat chili night.

Square Enix
The only man to make "the Napoleon" look intimidating. Including Napoleon.

He starts the game with what looks like a fruit knife, albeit a fruit knife in a world where bears have been misclassified as fruit. His unlockable Celestial Weapon is the Masamune.

Square Enix

You know Final Fantasy has gotten ridiculous about hairstyles when even the swords have split ends. That's not a sword -- those are the tongs they'll forge when they work out that the materia rocks constantly glowing and shooting flame and lightning are radioactive. That looks better for removing an Orc's wisdom teeth than its head. The only enemies that would inconvenience are the ones who can't commute to the battle because you're holding their train's transmission linkage.

Square Enix
It was also in Final Fantasy X-2, because everything terrible about Final Fantasy was in X-2.

The world has a thousand different styles of sword, and the only thing they all agree on is that it has to be a big piece of metal and you don't split it down the middle. The end of the Masamune is cored out and bent and has sharp angles. They couldn't make a sword break faster if they used it to stab Bruce Banner.

But RoboCop is perfect. The problems start when you only convert a single limb. The first problem with a bionic arm is that you'll look like a wanker despite that now being a dangerous extreme sport for you.

GRIN
His right hand is his wife. No, really. As in "the plot of this game is REALLY stupid."

When robotic superstrength meets human fleshbag, it ends the same way, no matter whose side the robot started on: blood-soaked machinery and a leaking bag. If the Bionic Commando fires his grappling hand at a faraway tree and winches in the cable, that tree is now one arm richer, while the commando formerly known as bionic bleeds out on the ground. If you tell your bionic arm to lift a 10-ton weight, it grips and bends, and the 10-ton weight and your shoulder blade have a very brief tug of war about who's more likely to get ripped out of what. Even if you lift it by some miracle, that's the first miracle ending in paralysis, as every non-bionic part of your body collapses under the weight. To give you a bionic limb working beyond human ability, they'd have to upgrade so much of the rest of your body that it'd be faster for them to just build a brand new robot and give it your driver's license.

The '80s action movie Cobra created the most insane knife ever for their insane psycho killer, and in a terrifying crossover with another type of '80s movie plot, this knife escaped into the real world. Seriously. Hollywood designed a lunatic knife for a character called the Night Slasher, real live people said, "I want that," and capitalism worked out the exact exchange rate of cash to innocent lives by selling it to them.

That's a gutting knife with a ripping hook connected to brass knuckles studded with punch-spikes. That's not a product description, that's how you try to get Pinhead hot with dirty talk. That's blades in so many directions, it repels vampires for 10 miles, and the Zerg obey whoever holds it.

This is a custom stabber's weapon. Not stabbing: stabber. It's designed to be utterly unsheathable. Even attempting to put it down is taking the life of your hands into your hands. That's a knife for someone who never, ever needs their right hand for anything but slashing. Fortunately, holding it instantly warns the entire world to keep out of slashing range. If police see you holding one, I think they're allowed to call in an airstrike. If you hold this, you're not hunting monsters, you are the monster, and you have at most 90 minutes before a cop leaps right over the edge to exterminate you.