Sieg Heil, thatâs your Hitler reference, which you still canât whip out without some backlash. Thatâs impressive staying power. I mean five, six decades on and heâs still the worldâs number one symbol of evil. Imagine that. Heâs like the Mickey Mouse of evil. Except Goofy is Goebbels and Minnie is on fire in a ditch.
Itâs more than Manson can say, that slacker. He even tried to ride on Hitlerâs coattails with that swastika on the forehead; come of it Charlie, we all know you ainât the guy. So Hitlerâs outâ¦probably not coming back into vogue any time soon, unless itâs ironically or because brown stirrup pants and red armbands make it big.
Speaking of ironic: baby rape. Again, not a bad sounding phrase. Almost sounds like âbaby grape,â which is actually kind of pleasant. Even switching the words isnât as bad: ârape, baby.â I mean, still inappropriate, but it sure sounds a lot cooler.
But baby rape is usually deployed ironically nowadays. Really the whole pedophilia domain. Many people like pulling it out as the âshock cardâ in forums. Baby eating, puppy killing, theyâre all good. And of course youâve got rape, which is right up there with AIDS in terms of s**t youâre not supposed to joke about. So every smart aleck online simultaneously thought: âJesus, you know whatâs hilarious? The thought of forcing myself, sexually, on a baby.â
Of course, that thought has to be translated into a wry joke first. Just post âIâd like to force myself, sexually, on a babyâ and youâre going to feel the full force of the Internet shouting you down and may even receive a friendly visit from some men who work for the government and would like to examine your hard drive. After all, everyone likes f*****g with people and feeling good about it at the same time, and thereâs not a lot more satisfying that f*****g a baby rapist. Or maybe there is, but only the baby rapist and the ancient Greeks know for sure.
As for Scientology, theyâre kind of in the Bill Cosby class of words, insofar as just mentioning them isnât a killer, but do it enough andâ¦theyâll be watching. And you can even get away with it, as long as you only frequent forums that their lawyers donât bother checking out. I doubt many Scientologist figureheads are lurking in 4Chan threads; the Rickrolls alone would make it a futile effort. But mention them in less-than-glowing terms on Youtube or any other major site, and youâre in for something that makes Internet flame wars look tame: a cease-and-desist letter. Oooh.
Post enough passionate diatribes against that particular cult and next thing you know youâve lost your social security number, your last eight tax returns are being audited, and way more people than usual stop you on the street to ask âwhat your crimes are.â
Now I know what youâre saying: whatâs wrong with âmeh?â It sounds like the sound made by an adorable imaginary animal. But no. The sound of meh is the sound of the person who thinks so little of your input, they canât be bothered to type âgayyyy.â The person too lazy to articulate their thoughts beyond a monosyllabic interjection, and yet so confident in their opinion that they will casually cast judgment on your entire being. Donât bore me, they warn. And when faced with that kind of ultimatum, thereâs really only one answer:
Well, seven actually.