So while religious bias isn't great for science, it doesn't seem to pervert the results any more than trying to fit the findings into a headline. And if you want an example of that, there's this next one ...
... The One That Said That Having More Sex Is Bad
Think more boner-ballets will make you a happier ballerina? It won't, according to this study that says increasing the frequency of sex within relationships actually makes you sadder. After picking out two groups of couples, they told one to double their sexual activity and the other to keep having the same amount of sex as before. "The findings were a surprise and a disappointment," said the researchers. "We were expecting that the people who had more sex would enjoy it a lot and would be happier, and it would be good for the relationship. Instead, what we found was that the group who had more sex enjoyed it less."
So sex is ... bad? Wait a minute ...
Why It's Bullshit
One of the first things you learn when you start living on your own is that fun things have diminishing returns. Doing something you enjoy twice as much as you want to turns that fun thing into a chore, no matter what it is. Eating bacon and fucking all day sounds really fun and hyper-masculine in theory, but if you try it out, you'll find that you quickly run out of energy and then die of a Hindenburgian coronary.
The title of that article is "More Sex Can Make You Less Happy," but the conclusion of this study isn't that sex is bad. It's that forcing yourself to have twice as much sex as you want to have is bad, which, like, yeah. We already knew that, because we've had sex before. Unlike you, Science, you fucking nerd.
... The One That Said Sex Quality Is Based On Housework
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Here's a study that says a fair division of chores will lead to a better sex life. It's controversial because it contradicts an earlier study that found that when men contribute to "feminine" housework it results in less sex. So what's the truth? How many dishes should a man wash if we wants to fuck?
Why It's Bullshit
Here's a fascinating sentence buried in that first link that, I think, blows this whole damn thing wide open:
"The same study also found there's no relationship between the amount of housework male partners completed and the sexual functioning of a couple."
So, wait: How can a man mopping more often lead to more sex if the amount of housework has "no relationship" with sex? The scientist (and former couples therapist) explains: "In any relationship, the amount of housework is going to mean something different based on the couple's context, based on their own expectations for what each partner should be doing, and their comparison levels of what happens with other couples they know."
See, the findings weren't that Equal Housework = More Sex; they were Fair Relationship = More Sex. Because there's nothing hotter than working as one to make dinner, coming together to scrape that crispy cheese off the cookie sheet, and moving with the flowing elegance of one blissfully united entity to empty the recyc-
Holy shit, I'm old now, aren't I?
JF Sargent has aged like a fine wine: He's pretentious, smells like wet basement, and is really only enjoyed by older women. Follow him on Twitter and Facebook.
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