We've got some amazing news, which will blow you out of the water then suck you dry again! Our new product -- the Selfie-Stick-in-a-Sock -- will revolutionize the tech sector footwear market. How else will you keep your feet dry when you accidentally wade into the pool of Narcissus? If Jesus had these, he'd be able to prove he walked on water -- all without moistening His toes!
The personalized podiatry synergy you didn't even know you didn't need!
But that's not all! No one likes the hassle and clutter of actually owning tubes of stinking cloth, so our Selfie-Stick-in-a-Sock is sold as Socks-as-a-Service. Our SSiaSSaaS sounds like a snake hissing as it gazes upon your exposed ankles, every warning sign nature or horror can conceive of. You better do what it says! OBEY!
"Yellow and black stripes, 'AMAZING NEW' in the subject line, same diff."