Which ultimately brings me to ...
I Am Sorry About All The Additional Fatalities
I realize now that I hadn't told you earlier that I was dividing up the fatalities into two separate groups; the fatalities that definitely weren't my fault, and the fatalities that also weren't my fault but it's Iffy.
Iffy isn't actually in the law books, but it will be by the time my case makes it through the courts.
It was ultimately this second group of fatalities, and also a third group I don't want to talk about, which inspired me to not open The Slick 'n Sloppy Chris Bucholz Experience for a second season, and to flee into the long grass. So to any patrons reading who did actually want to return this year, I thank you for your enthusiasm and promise to leave a garbage bag of chips out for you sometime soon.
And for any authorities reading, I totally promise I have learned my lesson this time, and please don't touch the chips. This isn't about you.
Previously in this series:
15 Things I Regret Doing At Your Petting Zoo: An Apology
9 Regrets Regarding My Illegal Day Care
An Apology to the Customers of My Illegal Bed & Breakfast
Greatest Customer Feedback Ever Sent to McDonald's
Chris Bucholz is a Cracked columnist and one hell of a fella. As the author of the amazing novels, Freeze/Thaw and Severance he thinks you should definitely go buy both of those now. Join him on Facebook or Twitter.
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