Once a winner establishes his or herself, we'll take them out for the nicest Chipotle dinner we can afford on whatever's left of our budget. See? It's not torture-porn, because we were planning on being nice all along. That makes it inspirational.
First off, one quarter of our cast is going to be children, and I'm not 100% on the laws about that kind of thing. It seems kind of heartless to put kids through the stuff we normally put Reality Show contestants through so maybe we'll figure out some other special circumstances for them? Like, it's one thing to induce so much stress into a woman that she vomits on the side of the road, like in the first episode of The Briefcase, but I'm not 100% sure that audiences are ready to actually watch a little kid starve to death on TV.
Lastly, I know some of you may be worried that some homeless folks may be too haggard and worn to be easily made "TV ugly," but frankly I think that concern is misplaced. Compared to the ugliness in the human soul we're exposing, these guys will look like Scarlett Jo-Fucking-Hanson.
Real Housewives Of New Jersey (That Are Also Single Mothers On Welfare)
Eight single moms battle it out to see who can give their kid the stablest childhood, endure the most workplace discrimination, and give up the most sleep while trying to keep a household together and responsibly raise a tiny human being that they single-wombedly built from nothing.
There's a great scene in The Briefcase where a man is crying because on the one hand, he wants to keep the $100,000 so that he can provide for his family, but on the other hand, he wants to be kind and charitable so that his daughters can be proud of him. If you thought that was enthralling, just wait until you see a woman crying because of the sexual harassment she endured at work today, and because we're not even giving her $100,000 dollars.
And in the end when one mom emerges as the mom-est of all of them, we will reward her with a man of her very own to do with as she pleases.
Well I think giving a human being to another human being might actually be illegal, but more importantly, it's damn near impossible to artificially complicate a single parents' life, because they're so used to dealing with the utter insanity that is single-parenthood. Like what're we going to do, steal their kid?