It makes sense, though: If anybody was going to combine the power of lightning with the inventions of Nicola Tesla and some sweet-ass guitar riffs, of course it would be the Japanese. In retrospect, the seminal 80s metal band Tesla dropped the ball a little here. Oh, and for future reference, Japan: We will totally forgive you for all future anime octopus rape, just as long as you keep pumping out shit like this once in a while.
Seriously, itâs like the man just didnât understand the concept of special effects and so was wholly unaware that human beings are not supposed to be able to actually do these things. Just donât be surprised if, in about six months time, you find yourself watching a grainy clip of a small Asian man literally morphing into a Ford Mustang after somebody shows him a pirated copy of Transformers.
What the horse is thinking: Oh god! No fucking way is this actually happening! It has to be a nightmare. Wake up, Honeydew, please wake up! In Chinese zoos, they do things just a bit differently than here in the States. For example, the flow of foot traffic is typically reversed, in place of popcorn and hot dogs you may find more traditional Chinese fare such as fish balls or steamed buns - oh, and also you may notice some of their exhibits mounting the other exhibits and racing them around while roaring, frothing at the mouth and just generally scaring the holy shit out of everybody forever.
What the lion is thinking: LION > HORSE! In this particular exhibit, an adult lion is trained to climb onto a waiting horse, which then jogs about the ring while the bravest, cruelest, or perhaps the most dangerously suicidal man in all of China provides incentive by cracking his whip at them. Yes, in Chinese zoos there is a man whose sole duty is to make sudden movements and loud noises in order to frighten and aggravate the Horse-mounted Lion Cavalry. A ticket buys you the whole seat, but youâll only need the edgeâ¦no seriously, you shouldnât get too comfortable here. Youâre gonna want all the headstart you can get when they bust out the Flying Motorcycle Bear.
Things could always be much, much worse.
The cops will come swooping in the seconds the credits roll.
You've probably never heard of it.