7

The Explosive Man

This appears to be a photograph of a man attacking a van with his tremendously explosive forehead - but is in actuality of Dennis Pinto, a stuntman from North Carolina. Dennis seems to have misunderstood exactly what stuntmen are supposed to do which, ideally, is to simulate incredibly dangerous scenarios while in reality remaining safe and secure, because Pinto’s “stunt” here is not actually a photo of a spectacularly destructive failure. This is what was supposed to happen! And that’s why Mr. Pinto is easily the hardest motherfucker on earth: The man sees this horrific orgy of flame and steel, this outtake from a Die Hard movie, this screencap from the biggest budget snuff film in history, and thinks “Total success! That went down exactly how I wanted it to.”

The plan was to race a motorcycle at 60 MPH into the side of a parked van, which would then explode, sending him flying through the flames and out the other side where he would cushion his landing…with a couple of cardboard boxes. And because Dennis Pinto is apparently the Highlander, he also insisted that he be set on fire before they could even start. This man’s typical work day consists of him dying a more catastrophic death than a Batman villain…then getting up and taking a bow. So, next time your job’s got you a little down, just think of ol’ Dennis Pinto here, and realize that any complaints you might have can only serve to make you look like kind of a pussy in comparison. Really, the only way he could make you look worse is if he was doing like, the Kid 'n Play Shuffle or something while flying through that explosion.