6. and 5. Archaeopteryx and Microraptors
Why You Could Take It: These are a couple of winged dinosaurs, one with two wings and one with four.

Together, theyâre considered part of the evolutionary bridge between dinosaurs and birds. The downside of being an evolutionary bridge is that, while youâre good at getting creationists to shut the hell up, youâre not so good at any of the things your various component parts are good at.
Itâs not like these are airborne stegasauri. No, these guys are basically dinosaurs with feathers instead of protective scales, who canât fight and donât really fly very well either. Itâs thought that they probably just glided, and if they did fly, they did so clumsily. So in the end, youâre left with a dinosaur the size of a pigeon warbling drunkenly through the air a few feet off the ground.
Preferred Method of Dispatch: Thereâs something especially poetic about knocking one out of the air with a two-fisted hammer blow, stopping its vain quest for the sky and driving it back into the primordial ooze from whence it came.
Dino-Bonus: At four wings a pop, it should be fairly easy to gather enough feathers to make your own gliding outfit, or at the very least a kite.
4. Epidendrosaurus
Why You Could Take It: Take an Archaeopteryx and pluck all its feathers out, and youâve basically got an Epidendrosaurus (plus youâve given an Archaeopteryx a lot of pain; kudos!).

Instead of flying, they climbed, probably to hide the fact that they look like boiled monkeys who are perpetually flipping you off as emphatically as possible. One of their finger-like claws was a third the length of their entire body, although in fact itâs not their middle fingers which were elongated, but their pinkies, meaning that they were also the fanciest dinosaurs of all time.
Preferred Method of Dispatch: Unlike the other birdlike dinosaurs on this list, Epidendrosaurus would actually be difficult to catch, because it didnât waste all its time trying to fly like an asshole. Youâd probably have to make a net or burn the trees down. I suggest the latter, as they fall pre-cooked.
256 Comments