He found her home phone number, explained the situation to her father, and demanded his money back. This phone call had to simultaneously be both the greatest nightmare and the greatest relief in a father's life. Yes, a creepy Internet man is trying to have sex with your daughter, but he's an idiot. This resulted in a state known as "SO arrested," which tells us that the father's chainsaw must have been in the shop that week.
"They laughed when I bought this for her first birthday."
The man claimed that he thought the girl was much older. So he normally calls the parents of his dates to complain when things don't work out? That would explain why he's still being stood up for dates he already paid for at 57.
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"Yes, it's me again. No, I don't know why people don't like it when I use my phone."
Of course he was easily caught and fined by a Swedish court. Wait, fined? That's it? Damn, Sweden, the guy trying to have sex with a child and then demanding his money back is not the time to try out ironic punishments. Or if it is, "illegally demanding a refund" is not the crime you're meant to be ironically punishing.
British businessman Gary Bolton has been jailed for seven years for selling fake bomb detectors. The court heard from the world's most understated Home Office defense expert that the device had "no credibility as an explosive detector," because it had no functioning parts of any kind. The BBC reports that X-rays revealed the devices to be totally empty. They were just plastic boxes with handles, antennae, and a price tag of 10,000 pounds.
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Like this, but significantly less sweet.
That is the most obvious and scumbaggy crime possible. If you build a machine that can't detect bombs, that is going to become terrifyingly clear to some poor bastard, and his surviving colleagues are going to be very upset. And have more of your empty boxes left to examine. Hell, they'll even be able to see the empty void inside the first one when it's been blown open. Was his plan to have every single user of the device exploded so that they couldn't press charges?
The judge said Bolton had damaged the reputation of British trade abroad. If you're selling fake bomb detectors and the only thing you damage is a reputation, that's the only reason you're being sentenced by a court instead of a crowd of amputees using their remaining limbs to loft burning torches and a scaffold. That may still happen when the various global security agencies he just tried to mass-manslaughter find out that he's only been jailed for seven years. That's a shorter sentence than some marijuana dealers receive, and that stuff prevents people from going out and getting bombed.
Luke has a website, tumbles, and responds to every single tweet.
Adulate more admirable figures with Who's the Man? Superman vs. He-Man, or avoid assholery yourself with 5 Nerd Hacks That Make You Less of a Jerk.
Enjoy more idiotic criminal capers with The 9 Most Hilarious Ways Criminals Were Caught or more effective felons with 7 Wanted Criminals Who Made Mocking the Police into an Art Form.
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