Anyway, Pizza Rat is probably dead now, because it's not an easy life being a New York rat, and also that pizza didn't look too clean. A national tragedy which will not in any way stop someone from dressing up as ...
Who Would Wear This?
Someone who wore a Left Shark costume last year, and is desperate to recapture that high.
So clowns are terrorizing the world. That's something that is happening. Most are apparently hoaxes or teens stunting. (You know, as they do. With clown costumes.)
"Let's get some beers and go down to the quarry and dress as clowns!"
But it's still not an entirely cool situation. Luring kids into the woods? That's creepy. Kids should be lured into snuggles with their grandparents. Or doing chores. Leghold traps, at most.
Still, an evil clown is an easy costume to make, and it's been in the news, so you know there are going to be like five of these guys at every Halloween party you go to this year.
"Dale, is that you? Andy? Brian? Other Andy? Marcus?"
Who Would Wear This?
Someone who probably isn't that bright. Remember what the bulk of these killer clown sightings have involved: luring children. That's kind of implicit with the clown angle, isn't it? You're not luring grown-ups anywhere dressed like that. Which means anyone dressed as a clown is, without really thinking about it, dressing as a child predator. Most people wouldn't do that if they'd considered it in advance, so you can be safely assured that most of the clowns you see this Halloween aren't the considerin' type.
Or, again, actual child predators. Keep an eye on your drink again, especially if you're a child.
Chris Bucholz is a Cracked columnist, and misses Harambe so much. As the author of the amazing novels Freeze/Thaw and Severance, he thinks you should definitely go buy both of those now. Join him on Facebook or Twitter.
For more costumes that should never be worn, ever, check out 26 Sexy Halloween Costumes That Shouldn't Exist, and see how other countries fare on Halloween in The 35 Most Insane Halloween Costumes from Around the World.
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