I interned briefly as a reader at a literary agency, meaning I read hundreds of submissions -- or rather, I read several submissions wearing hundreds of masks. And I'm going to share what I learned with you: Literary agencies are brimming with intelligent, beautiful women, and nobody comes into the office more than two days a week. I recommend you join one immediately.
I'll also tell you how to jump on this lusty women's fiction phenomenon that the media are treating like Harlequin romances haven't been popular for decades now. Below are six tips for marrying your personal eroticism to someone else's copyright for fun and profit.
Although we can't prove there aren't temple garments in Fifty Shades without reading it.
#6. This Is Going to Sound Crazy, But ... Sex With Monsters
Every day at the literary agency I would open two dozen letters that explained how the story of the new girl in town who is fascinated with a mysterious, brooding bad boy was different from Twilight because he wasn't a vampire; he was a demon.
In my weeks as a reader, I learned to appreciate the otherworldly pain of such inhuman creatures as angels, aliens, faeries, Wayne Newton, half-bloods, hunky Frankensteins, werewolves, dhampirs, sexy mummies, mermen, skinwalkers, surprisingly few ghosts and the Wandering Jew. However, women do not like sex with trolls, zombies or robots.
Hand Grenade Serenade
Which would be understandable if they hadn't eroticized Frankenstein.
I still don't know what half-bloods are, but I'm pretty sure it's not racist.
Let's take a look at a typical revelation scene:
Tears ran down Emma's face as her crying eyes beheld Darren's perfect features in the full moonlight. Something was different about him. He seemed ... more alive. More powerful. As though he were somehow stronger at night. She shook off the thought tearfully. No, no that was foolish. That was impossible. That was foolishly impossible!! She was imagining these things because she couldn't play games of the heart anymore. Did he even have a heart?