I hope you're sitting down: Journalism doesn't exist anymore. It hasn't for at least ten years now. The closest thing we have to journalism now is agenda-driven propaganda dressed up as "objective, hard-hitting news." Yes, this includes your favorite muckraking work over at Mother Jones or whatever. Journalism died a pretty sad death, and yeah, we're all kind of bummed about it.
Unless you get paid to write on the Internet, obviously.
But don't hate the player; hate the game. I didn't kill journalism. Or at least, I didn't kill it any more than you did. If you're terribly concerned about the death of journalism, get out there and do some. I'm sure you will get literally scores of page views while the rest of the world is getting mad at me, sharing rare Pepe memes and looking at GIFs of rhythmically bouncing breasts.
I Don't Really Read Books Much; I Just Watch A Lot Of Wrestling
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Writers are supposed to read a lot. I don't. I got enough of that in college. I'm currently slogging through Steven Adler's memoir. Sometimes I pick up a Hubert Selby novel or read Bukowski's poetry. I really liked Robert Heinlein when I smoked way more pot. Norman Mailer makes me laugh my ass off whenever I bother to pick up something he wrote. Put simply, my reading tastes when I actually bother to pick up a book are pretty pedestrian and predictable.
Mostly what I do is look at pictures of jeans and cars on Instagram and watch wrestling on the WWE Network. So if you're looking to make sense of whatever the hell it is that I'm doing, it probably helps to know that I owe way more to Rick Rude than I do to ... I dunno, Lester Bangs? Like I said, I'm not much of a reader.
No, I Am Not Going To Stop Writing
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First of all, I'm pretty sure that whatever I wrote that put a bee in your bonnet is not "literally the worst thing ever written." It's not even figuratively the worst thing you've ever read. I didn't stop writing when I woke up to find every Pearl Jam fan in the world wanted to kill me, so the chances of me quitting writing because you write "OMG Y U WRITER QUIT NAO" on my Facebook page are slim to none.
For the last six years, I've supported myself in one of the nation's most expensive cities doing nothing but writing.
Reminder: It's always fucking beautiful here.
For the last three or so, I've basically had money coming out of my ass. Seriously. I just bought a $500 leather fanny pack from Japan. I am that fucking out of shit to spend money on. This is de facto proof that I am literally (yes, literally) better at writing than approximately 95 percent of people in the history of the universe who have called themselves writers.
Oh, money doesn't matter? Say, that's what I call a pretty cool story, bro. No whip on that Frappuccino, please.
For more on trolling, check out 5 Ways To Stop Trolls From Killing The Internet and The Evolution of the Troll: From Internet Tough Guy to 'Meh'.
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