So here's my proposal: Let's make Short Round the villain of the next Indy movie. Better yet, let's make him the hero, and Indy the villain. It only makes sense that there would be a world of animosity between them. Dr. Jones has been wrecking priceless cultural artifacts for decades, and Short Round isn't so much as mentioned in the movie continuum after 1935. Maybe Indy put his life at risk one too many times. Maybe he cheated Shorty at cards too much. Maybe Indiana Jones won't talk about his former ally because he thinks the kid got crushed under a giant rolling stone on his first, thankfully un-filmed attempt at stealing the golden idol from that temple in Peru. Maybe, unbeknownst to Indy, Short Round survived, and Revenant-crawled back to civilization, his mind filled with nothing but determination and complex plans for revenge. Plans that now, years later, he's finally ready to execute.
And maybe, juuuuust maybe, he could first take a detour to arrange a brutal, inescapable death trap for Indy's annoying greaser son.
Pauli Poisuo is a Cracked weekly columnist and freelance editor. Here he is on Facebook and Twitter.
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