Seanbaby
The X-Men are joining some astronauts on a rocket destined for outer space. Before they've even taken off, Colossus suddenly remembers that a brother he never mentioned, Mikhail, died while being an astronaut. So he does what anyone would do to honor his brother's spazzes the f**k out! He screams and his powers go off, completely shredding his space suit. Which, for a superhero, has got to be the equivalent of shitting your pants. Imagine what it must have been like for that rocket pilot. He's already probably grumpy about getting put in charge of a completely untrained flight crew, one of whom is a blue demon monster. And the first thing one of them does is triple in size and start destroying equipment. Say for a moment there's even a possibility that you still take this lunatic into space. How do you talk ground control into pressing launch?
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"Ah, mission control, we're still a go for launch. The disturbance was, ah, one of the crew exploding into metal. Standby, Houston... looks like two, possibly three more are crying about something and punching through the hull with various energy rays. This is now at the very least a suicide mission, over. Wait, one more thing: Even if we get up and back, I probably don't have to tell a room full of rocket scientists that these goddamn reentry vectors are hard enough to get right even without one of my passengers wildly altering his mass in the middle of it. Tell my wife that I... no, don't tell her anything. She knew what she was getting into when she married a rocket man. Over and out."
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Spider-Man discovers that the supercriminal Arcade has plans to drug and kidnap the X-Men. He's got to warn them, and fast! He stops into the first phone booth he sees and makes sure to pull up his mask to give his mouth full range of motion. A warning like this is too important to risk snagging a lip on the inside of your face spandex.
Luke Cage, or Power Man, is a hero for hire. Which means you have to pay him. So when you hire him for a job and you don't pay up, here's what you do next: buy a shovel and start digging that foot out yo' jive turkey ass. I'm not sure if I'm saying that right. The Luke Cage comic had some problems. He had all the rage of a revolutionary 70s black man, but angry black men in the 70s didn't write no jive funny books. And from the looks of his jibba jabba, I don't think they even had one around to do part-time consulting. So at any given time, Luke Cage may or may not have been saying things that mean anything. Then this nonsense moon language was sent to people even more square where they put it through a filter to make sure it was rated G. This may be why every panel of every issue, Luke Cage punctuates his sentences by putting his fist through all nearby objects. Because it's hard to express your anger at the establishment when your mouth only forms kindergarten
Seanbaby: "Sweetie, could you read a page of this Luke Cage comic? I want to verify that he's talking nonsense, or jive." Girlfriend: "What's Luke Cage's power?"
What a f*****g b***h. Wait, what's that about mustaches?
The thing that makes this freakout so funny is that the X-Men become more and more pissed at her as they fight. After uselessly punching the invincible Juggernaut for hours, they start to take their frustrations out on Storm, complaining that all their problems would be solved if she'd hit him with some weather. I think they were just being passive aggressive, though; because when she does pull her s**t together, her first lightning bolt bounces off the Juggernaut and she knocks herself out. This leads me to two questions. One: What does it take to get fired from the X-Men? And two: You suck, Storm. 
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