Dr. Doom is a 100 percent social media-worthy boyfriend. I can just see the profile pics now. "This is Doomy and I, being worshiped by his subjects in Latveria. Here we are running a marathon together." Leandra Kinney, from grade school, who told you your Barbies weren't real Barbies because your mom got them at the Dollar Store, will be so jealous. You'll bring Dr. Doom to your high school reunion and you'll be all, "Oh Leandra, did you know I'm dating a successful doctor? What have you been up to? You are a successful doctor? Jesus, there is obviously no justice in this world." It's OK though, because Dr. Doom will convert Leandra into a cyborg programmed to kill Reed Richards and you'll feel way better.
The Downside Is:
Does Dr. Doom even know how to relax? Hustle is nice but sometimes you just want a man to brush your hair and watch the last season of Downton Abbey with you. I'm not sure if Dr. Doom is capable of a quiet night of hair brushing. Sure, he would do it, he's not a monster, but his heart would be somewhere else. Probably murdering Reed Richards. If you decide to scoop up this perfect-on-paper supervillain, prepare for some lonely nights while he's inventing a device that drains Latveria's overflowing sewage system through a magic portal into Reed Richards' kitchen. That's what I call multitasking, Doomy! Work, work, work.
If you can't beat him, you send almost ten million gallons of raw poop to his house.
Magneto cares about stuff. He totally shops at Whole Foods, wears one of those floppy beanie hats, and rides his bike to all of his bank heists. He wants to make the world a better place. By conquering it. A socially conscious man is SO HOT! Magneto doesn't just recycle some bottles and talk about changing the world in vague Facebook posts about bees and pandas. He does the work! He's out there everyday on the front lines, plotting to destroy the government and all non-mutants. It's a tough job, but he's devoted.
Can you name anyone else who can fight a battle with multiple X-Men AND rock a sweet genocidal agenda like Magneto?
Plus, Magneto is all about family. What did he name his terrorist organization? The Brotherhood Of Evil Mutants! He's got three living children of his own: Polaris, Scarlet Witch, and Quicksilver. And you don't even want to get into all of the dead ones. This man loves fathering children!
The Downside Is:
This man loves fathering children. Parenting children though? Not exactly his style. He seems to have one move and it's get a woman pregnant then peace out until the children are adults. Then he'll show up one day and be like, "Sup, I'm your Dad. Also, want to be a terrorist?" This is surprisingly effective for him. Unsurprisingly, it's a little hard on the kids. Scarlet Witch and Quicksilver have a bit of an incesty vibe, Scarlet Witch and Polaris both have serious mental disorders, and Quicksilver has tried to kill Magneto on multiple occasions. And there was the time Scarlet Witch accidentally altered all of reality.
An entire altering of everything you've ever known or loved. Or, as the comic industry calls it, a Wednesday.
In short, the family dynamics are a little complicated. Still, if you're willing to tackle the challenge, go for it! Just remember: When you marry a man, you marry his entire incesty, psychotic, homicidal family. This is made even more complicated when one of your stepdaughters has the power to alter reality to the point that you were born a popcorn kernel. But hey. The heart wants what the heart wants.
Lydia has a blog and a twitter.
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