Weaponized canes, usually with a hidden shanking blade, have been popular among the cunning and fancy for hundreds of years. There are even some that can let loose with lethal ordnance. But for those who don't wish to spend their remaining golden years in the clink over a coupon dispute at Kroger, there's the less deadly alternative (unless there's a pacemaker involved) of electricity. The Zap Cane uses a rechargeable battery that's good for 50 zaps of million-volt justice. Which, considering the patience level of the average septuagenarian, should last about a month or so.
Lengthening the cane is simple enough. Just loosen the top collar approximately three full turns, then pull the lower section away from the upper section, keeping the copper strips aligned while being careful not to pull the electrodes off, and ... you know what? This might be a little complicated for someone whose every appliance has been flashing 12:00 since the first Bush administration.
Anyways, maybe Meemaw isn't impressed by a mere million volts. For an extra hundy, you can pick up the Arc Angel Stun Cane, which delivers a much more respectable 1,500,000 volts of no-account-son-in-law-fricasseeing power.
Arc Angel Industries