A widower/billionaire/old fart (Richard Gere) makes a bet with an over-the-hill ice cream cake maker (Paul Giamatti) over who can win the heart of a menopausal seamstress (Kirstie Alley) prone to fits of homicidal rage. The movie features a five-minute shot of AlleyÂs pubes and there is some excellent back-sack work from Giamatti. Kirstie AlleyÂs character is confusingly named ÂDiane KeatonÂ and Kathy Bates shows up to briefly flash the inside of her p***y. There is one funny scene where they all embarrass each other on Facebook, but the rest of the movie is just more back sack.
GENIE-uses GENIE-uses is a delightful new romantic comedy, starring Jennifer Aniston and Ryan Reynolds, about two divorced genies who wind up with the same master (Jon Heder). Jon Heder treats us to catchphrases like, ÂIf I knew, IÂd tell you,Â and ÂI didnÂt put that there!Â With the film at just under 76 minutes, itÂs a wonder that half of it is just a bunch of montages set to Sum 41Âs ÂFat Lip.Â The soundtrack is better than the movie, but the movie is better than the movie if it didnÂt have a soundtrack.
Bitchy High School Cunts
Diablo Cody is back with a quippy reference-heavy film about big-tittied high schoolers who tweet their insults at each other. The lead c**t is played by not Rachel McAdams, but someone like that. The protagonist is Jack Zefrong, who almost breaks out into song and dance 23 times but too many layers of irony prevent it from ever happening. At one point, one of the cunts keeps listing characters from Fraggle Rock until she keels over and dies. ÂEverybody knows Wembley and Sprocket,Â she says to no one in particular. ÂBut who remembers Uncle Traveling Matt and Cotterpin Doozer?Â A passerby utters to her, ÂYeah, but why?Â and her head explodes. Some other quote-worthy moments: