Quick, what do a feral child and a 7-foot-tall man with hooded eyes have in common? They're both clearly monsters. The first time we see the sex demon, back when our hero doesn't quite believe it exists yet and is tied up in a warehouse, it shows up as a completely naked woman for some daffy reason. Why not just roll in there as a cop like the T-1000? Or anything besides the weirdest goddamn thing it could think of? The second time, when our hero still isn't convinced, the demon shows up like this:
The Weinstein Company
Every teen's nightmare: grandma moving in.
Just take the form of someone she knows, you shapeshifting maniac! We all know you can! We see it happen multiple times later in the film to wild success. And yet, every time it attacks the main character, it keeps taking the form of creepy naked weirdos and grotesque randoms for seemingly no other reason than to make the task harder on itself. At one point in the movie, it takes the form of a completely naked man, standing on top of a house.
The Weinstein Company
"Is that the demon or Will Ferrell?"
Is this monster fucking drunk? Who the hell is that going to fool? At least drunkenness would help explain why it walks everywhere instead of zipping around on a demon skateboard or something.
Turning John Connor Into A Robot Is The Stupidest Move Skynet Could Make
In Terminator Genisys, the latest installment in the series everyone in the universe stopped giving a shit about 24 years ago, we learn that champion of humanity John Connor was assimilated by the evil Skynet and transformed into a time-traveling robot. Before you get angry about the lack of spoiler tags, please note that this compelling plot twist was spoiled by the movie's fucking poster.
Which was a terrific advertisement for every other movie in the theater.
See, when Kyle Reese jumps back to the 1984 timeline of the original film, a physical manifestation of Skynet attacks future John Connor and transforms him into a robot on a cellular level, meaning that the robot version of him is still technically him and not a copy ... Jesus Christ. With me so far? OK, so then Skynet sends Robot John Connor back to 2014 to ensure that Skynet is created and allowed to erase all humanity. His clearly stated mission is to protect Skynet at all costs.
Let's do a little time-traveling of our own, back to the scene in which Skynet decides to turn John Connor into its robot errand boy after choosing him from a room full of other people:
It was the riskiest move by a big blue orb since Zordon hired teenagers to defend the Universe.
Skynet then sent him back in time specifically to protect the creation of Skynet from anyone who would have the foresight to destroy it. In other words: Sarah Connor and Kyle Reese ... John Connor's future parents. Predictably, Robot Connor is 100 percent unable to kill these two bozos because he will cease to exist if he does, thus failing his mission. Robot Connor points out this conundrum in the film and is put in numerous situations where he tries to talk Sarah and Reese into joining him and letting Skynet turn them both into robots. Any other Terminator sent back by Skynet would've just blown them both away immediately and accomplished its mission.
So why, out of a room filled with people, did Skynet choose to mechanize the only person who would be physically incapable of destroying its enemies? For all they knew, Sarah and Kyle could have already boned back in 1984, and Robot John Connor would find himself in 2014 awkwardly squaring off against a 33-year-old version of himself that he would be equally unable to kill. Honestly, it's like they didn't even put any thought into this movie about an elderly robot from the future.
An eight-figure salary for this? I'd trollface too.
David thinks Terminator Genisys is the third-best Terminator movie ever. You can reach him on Twitter.
Also check out 6 Stupid Characters That Hollywood Now Puts In Every Movie and 5 'Jurassic Park' Plot Holes With Horrifying Implications.