6 Insane Batman Comics Courtesy of Tasty Hostess Cupcakes

It's normal for super villains to take one million extra steps to reach a simple goal. Pigeon Woman, however, moves monuments by hypnotizing vermin, which equals out to one million steps taken to accomplish absolutely nothing. Also, Pigeon Person seemed really upset about Robin calling her Pigeon Woman. Maybe she has a dong?

Ah, I'd still hit it.

The above panel is the only explanation of Pigeon Woman's plan we get: "An America without statues is an America without a past." Even if that was remotely true, what? Is her plan really to rebuild America over the remains of its forgotten, statue-less past? Is she hoping that we'll all go, "Wait, where are all the statues... w-what is this place? Maybe even, who am I!? Oh, hi lady... I-I mean "person." I see you like pigeons. Will it be you who leads this brand new country?"

This plan is of course, nonsense. Maybe she'd collected so many pigeons that they'd run out of things to shit on and she was too embarrassed to tell Batman that that's why she was stealing the Statue of Liberty.

Fortunately the Army saves absolutely nobody by using tax payer money to help Batman drop cup cakes to distract the pigeons.

This somehow proves the cupcakes are delicious, even though pigeons get excited when they find a wet napkin in the trash, and would eat disease out of a hobo's hand.

Fortunately, Batman gets there in time to paint a giant blue bat on the wall:

Apparently, the guard has elected to just LET the crocodiles eat the gold? Apparently, his employee handbook was missing the chapter called "Motherfucker, get out of Fort Knox and put on some pants. I will SHOOT YOU."

Also, while I would not presume to place my knowledge of nutritional science over that of the experts in the Hostess advertising department, maybe we shouldn't be telling children that painting another substance the same color as your favorite food makes it edible.

The Muse built a piano capable of sucking nearby people in to make the piano sound more like people. That's amazing, maybe. I don't really get it. Apparently, it took such a level of scientific brilliance that he can't be bothered with the little thoughts like, "Maybe the best time to vaporize The Three Bottles ISN'T in the middle of a Three Bottles stage show."

After one of the thousands of eyewitnesses notices the crime he's doing absolutely nothing to hide from them, The Muse still refuses to acknowledge anything wrong with his plan. In the last panel he tells nobody in particular that he's caught an "unlucky break." How was he expecting the show to go?

"Dude, we saw The Three Bottles last night, and it was awesome! They had stage effects and everything-- ten seconds in, all three Bottles got sucked into the piano and then the rest of the set was just piano music that sounded like terrifed screams! Whoooo, ROCK! Oh, and The Three Bottles are STILL missing, man! Foul play is sus-PEC-TEEEEED!!! YEAH!"

Batman takes on a bunch of karate experts wearing white belts (which means in the world of karate these guys rank alongside toddlers) and throws a Twinkie at them instead of the Batarang, which somehow allows him to tie them up. This one seems pretty unremarkable. But look closer:

Do you think it was Batman who made the one on the right crotch towards center, or did he wiggle around to do that himself?

Karate Man A: "Oh great, we're all tied together. Man, I hate assassin missions! What... what are you doing, Assassin Bill?"

Assassin Bill: "Just! Ungh! Turning around! Ungh!"

Karate Man A: "Bill, that's... is that your numchucks?"

Assassin Bill: "Giggle!"