Have you heard of air sex? It's like air guitar, only more deplorable to a degree that Good Will Hunting couldn't puzzle out on a hundred blackboards. Basically you emulate sex, in front of a crowd, by yourself.
You may be thinking that, like air guitar, there's some skill involved here. First, no. There's no skill involved in air guitar. There's skill in real guitar. Please play real guitar. The moment you remove a real thing from play, you're literally doing nothing, and that can't, by definition, involve skill. Second, there's less skill in air sex, because why the fuck is this a thing? Do you know what air humping is? It's 75 percent of the descent into hobo madness. If you drink some aftershave and wear the same pants for a month, your air humping becomes known as "why we don't walk down the alley behind Walmart."
Winning an air sex competition implies that you can get your hump on all by yourself better than anyone in the room. Hang your head in shame, you onanistic miscreant. You know who can do themselves like champs? Every teenager ever. This isn't a skill, or an art, or a service. It's the physical manifestation of a drunkard hitting rock bottom, rendered in tragic 3D reality by the depraved mind of someone who thought thrusting desperately at the judgmental eyes of a crowd of people who are going to go home to someone who can hug them is anything other than a sign of your own personal mental and emotional apocalypse. When you hump the air, your soul sits on the sidelines and punches itself in the reproductive organs because it still has the decency to do so, even if you don't.