You have a beef with your best friend because he bought the jacket you told him you were saving up for? Your sister is talking trash about you behind your back? Tell it to the Drama Queen. She will hear your case and settle the dispute under no uncertain terms. Her word is final, and her judgment is just.
One word of advice, though: Never get her in the same room with the Prom Queen. They'll make Game Of Thrones look like My Little Pony.
Ever had one of those supernaturally long journeys? Where you've been sitting so long that the bones in your arse have literally cut through your muscles and are touching the seat? Where your eyes defy physics and transform into the heaviest matter known to humankind? Where gunning for those approaching headlights suddenly seems like the greatest idea ever conceived? Sounds like you need a Backseat Driver, fully licensed to take over upon your command, or at their own professional discretion.
The opportunities are plenty: You're a terrible city driver? You can't parallel park for shit? You're too busy daydreaming to notice unimportant distractions like pedestrians? You don't know where you're going? You're blind? You're in the middle of a meteor strike and the world is literally falling apart around you? Get a Backseat Driver.
No, seriously, I could do this all day: Got a text? No problem. Ever try to eat a Big Mac while steering? It's impossible without wearing half of it. Road head is now perfectly legal. Well ... no, not really, but at least it's safe with a Backseat Driver to take over.
It feels like the natural progression from satellite navigation. In a world where we type an address on a screen and obey whatever the hell we're told, not really knowing where we're going or what we're doing, why not take it one step further and just hand over the reins of the entire vehicle? Maybe in the future we'll even have artificial Backseat Drivers! And then we'll all be well and truly fucked.
Andy writes books that should not be read, scripts that have actually turned out okay and poetry that should be illegal.
Be sure to check out our new Cracked Podcast miniseries, "Looking The Part," in which Soren Bowie and Daniel O'Brien are dissecting pop-culture's greatest beards, scars and tattoos.
Click here to listen to Part I
Click here to listen to Part II
And to listen to Part III this Friday, subscribe to the Cracked Podcast feed on Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.
For more check out 20 Jobs Too Awesome to Exist and 5 Jobs That Hollywood Apparently Doesn't Realize It Needs.
Subscribe to our YouTube channel and check out 6 Jobs It's Shockingly Fun to Watch People Be Awesome At - Spit Take, and watch other videos you won't see on the site!
Also follow us on Facebook. You deserve a break today.