Some of the worst offenders for this were pretty clearly knocked together by some intern with a stock photo account and a basic knowledge of how a wheel works. "What's the difference," I imagine this person saying, their eyes not pointing in entirely the same direction. "Sure my eyes aren't pointing in entirely the same direction, but why should I learn the proper names for these things? The kids won't know."
But they do know! If there's like one fucking thing kids are good at, it's learning about trucks. YOU HAVE TO CARE ABOUT THIS TOO.
Fuck Your Noise-Making Book
Fuck any toy which makes noise, but especially a book. Books are meant to be quiet. That is the whole point of them. That is why librarians shush you when you talk in libraries. What are they supposed to do with a talking book? Shush it? The books are their only friends, why would you ask that of them?
Attention publishers of books that make noise: I will set them on fire, and then you. I am keeping a weird, deeply incriminating list of everyone who does this, so I hope you enjoy not being on fire, because that chapter of your life is coming to a close. Don't bother with security cameras, though now for different reasons.
Chris Bucholz is a Cracked columnist and amazing father. As the author of the amazing novels Freeze/Thaw and Severance, he thinks you should definitely go buy both of those now. Join him on Facebook or Twitter.
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