Reprising his epic codpieced role from Labyrinth, a 66-year-old David Bowie returns as Jareth the Goblin King. After losing his kingdom thanks to a bunch of s****y Muppets and a pre-hot-boobs and pre-pre-losing-those-boobs Jennifer Connelly, Jareth has traveled beyond the Labyrinth, a small misfit band of loyal goblins at his heels, as he attempts to rebuild the empire he lost, and maybe get revenge on that a*****e Hoggle, who was also probably a compulsive masturbator. Like if any Muppet had an issue with masturbation, it would probably be Hoggle, right? Him or Gonzo.
In a far-off land, Jareth and his crew run afoul of a band of something or other. What are there a lot of in Muppet lands? Sentient chickens? Fizzgigs? Something like that. So they take cover in a cave. But the cave leads into a series of passages through a mountain that take them to a massive city of goblins.
The goblins attack, but Jareth's powers sway them, and he easily bends them to his will. Until he's brought before their leader, the flabtastic Gorkil, whose powers equal those of Jareth. The two are able to command and counter-command the goblins, with the exception of Jareth's loyal Muppets, who seem immune to Gorkil's will (because they're Muppets and you need to be like Jason Segel or Jack Black or whatever if you want to boss them around, not some tubby b***h in a cave town).
Eventually Jareth bids a skillful retreat, sensing an opportunity to gain a massive army and kingdom for himself, and in doing so discovers that his purloined goblin troops turn to stone in sunlight. And while he loses some of his forces, he gains valuable insight and begins to form a plan. A plan that will presumably require the boobs of Jennifer Connelly to pull off. As all plans should.