And then there's Utah, which said "Fuck it" and brought back the firing squad in 2015 just in case. It's reassuring to know that when modern methods are cut off, some just take the 1850s'. And by "reassuring," I mean "Help us, someone, please."
The Worst Companies In The World Give The Most To Charity
Why People Hate Them:
Let's start with the bankers: JP Morgan Chase, Bank of America, Citigroup, Wells Fargo, and Goldman Sachs. You've seen at least one of them in the news, whether it was because they were fined millions of dollars "without admitting wrongdoing" or that time their corrupt business practices brought down the entire world economy and all they got to show for it was a slap on the gold-watch-laden wrist. Then there's the oil companies, like ExxonMobil and Chevron. You might as well grab the next ship off Earth, because these guys have destroyed it, and in Exxon's case, knowingly. If you could somehow put all these companies in a box and then throw that box into a volcano, God would personally come down and shake your hand, saying, "Congratulations. You've beaten the game. Input your initials to show off your high score."
All of these companies happen to be in the top ten on the list of the most charitable companies in the world.
Meanwhile, most of us can't be bothered to give those Girl Scouts a canned good at the grocery store.
Now coincidentally, they are also some of the most profitable companies in the world, so of course they can donate the most to charity, a fact that I'm sure you are screaming at your computer right now. However, in at least some of the cases, they willingly donate more than the average company. Goldman Sachs not only comes out at No. 4 overall, with $276 million in charity donations, but that accounts for 3 percent of their pre-tax profits, compared with the Fortune 500 average of 1 percent. Even that sounds small, but between all these companies (the ones mentioned above, rounded out with our old friend Walmart and a few others), we're talking billions and billions per year. Damn, I won't even throw a dime in the Salvation Army bucket if I'm in a hurry to get to the Dillard's before it closes.
In the end, maybe this isn't enough to offset the absolutely insane carnage these groups have caused, but I guess we now know how bankers and oilmen sleep at night.
Chris has a party game called Cheer Up! that you can download for free. Check it out on Facebook, too.
Think Nana and Pop-Pop's loving 60-year monogamous relationship is quaint and old-fashioned? First off, sorry for that disturbing image, but we've got some news for you: the monogamous sexual relationship is actually brand new relative to how long humans have been around. Secondly, it's about to get worse from here: monkey sex.
On this month's live podcast, Jack O'Brien and the Cracked staff welcome Dr. Christopher Ryan, podcaster and author of 'Sex at Dawn,' onto the show for a lively Valentine's Day discussion about love, sex, why our genitals are where they are, and why we're more like chimps and bonobos than you think.
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