It'll Make You Poor For Life
In a study that'll make you curse and drink a few beers, researchers dug into temperature data from 1969 to 1977. They looked for heat waves in that period of time during which temperatures rose above about 90 F. Then they compared earnings records from people who had been children during those heat waves, and discovered that children who had endured excessive periods of heat would grow up to make, on average, less than those who didn't. No shit? No shit.
The way this ruins your earnings potential is even worse than you think, because it comes from way, waaaay back. From age 0 to 1, every single day you experienced those higher temperatures decreased your earning ability by 0.1 percent. You weren't even old enough to tell mom and dad to toss your ass into a cool wet sack in the basement. You were screwed right out of the gate.
The study also showed that just being in the area of a heat wave wouldn't destroy your finances. If you were an air-conditioned baby, you grew up to have yachts and solid gold belt buckles, probably, because your earning potential wasn't affected. It's just those who had to sweat it out. I never had air conditioning as a kid, and let me just say that my bank account absolutely makes sense now. I'm going to sue the sun.
Now, at this point you're probably wondering why this happens. Why the hell does being a sweaty-ass baby mean you have to eat Squeezy Cheeze as an adult instead of delicious and refined Cheez Whiz like those Hollywood elitists we hear so much about? No goddamn clue. Researchers didn't have an answer for that beyond speculation, or maybe an accumulation of all of the stuff on this list. Regardless, it's likely to get worse. Well, for some of us, anyway.
Follow Ian on Twitter, where all his tweets are lukewarm.
Even if you can't get A/C, one of those little misting fans might still be within reason. Stay cool! Love, Cracked.
Support your favorite Cracked writers with a visit to our Contribution Page. Please and thank you.
For more, check out 8 Things You Didn't Realize Will Be Ruined By Climate Change and 4 Ways Global Warming Is Creating A Worldwide Horror Movie.
Also, we'd love to know more about you and your interesting lives, dear readers. If you spend your days doing cool stuff, drop us a line at iDoCoolStuff at Cracked dot com, and maybe we can share your story with the entire internet.
Follow us on Facebook. It's free.