When Americans scamper away, choosing to stay home or go someplace else, they leave a gaping hole that the hoteliers must reluctantly fill with me. The horrific acts of murderers have unintentionally given me amazing experiences I could never have had otherwise. And I only have to worry about dying most of the time.
Lazy Western College Kids Pay My Bills
If you are or were an American college student who was too busy with hazing, contouring (applies to both cars and faces), spring break, or protesting Donald Trump to bother with that paper that you should have been writing, and instead paid someone online to write it for you, there is a real chance that I or one of my friends wrote that paper. We are Kenyan freelancers, and we're the reason a lot of you aren't getting kicked out of college. If this comes as a surprise to some of you and you feel shortchanged in any way, I'd like you to take a moment and ask yourself what person with an advanced degree is writing undergraduate papers at five bucks a pop.
All of these are technically mine.
Still, everyone I know who does this is in the middle of completing their degree, and genuine care is taken in the writing of that paper. Really, as ethically questionable uses for the internet in Africa go, this is degrees of magnitude better than Nigerian prince email scams. It is honest work paid for by American students who pay the approximate black market value of a kidney for college textbooks that they don't read, for classes they don't attend, to complete assignments that unemployed strangers do for them. Is it difficult to write papers for students who are intentionally missing out on receiving a a full, world-class college education that I would kill to experience myself? No, not at all. And that says a lot about them, none of which is good.
We probably wrote a paper turned in by one of your future presidents. So yay, globalism!
A writer who averages eight papers a week earns a living wage, which is more than most first jobs are willing to pay. Five bucks is not a fortune anywhere, but in my current situation, it pays for a meal and half a pound of weed. So keep asking us to do your homework for you. My pipe's looking a little empty.
Be sure to check out our new Cracked Podcast miniseries, "Looking The Part," in which Soren Bowie and Daniel O'Brien are dissecting pop-culture's greatest beards, scars and tattoos. Listen to part one HERE and catch parts two and three in the Cracked Podcast feed on Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.
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