So, in what had become a staple of my personality, I yelled when we got to 0, because I could divert attention away from my apparent loneliness by being loud and awful. And now, as a more confident person who someday wishes to put a bunch of dinosaurs in a park, I realize that I can't blame movies or misplaced expectations for all of my problems. But I can slightly wish that middle-school me knew that New Year's was more about having fun, and less about the lack of Hilary Duff in your arms.
"You mean I don't get married to Hilary Duff OR make a fortune pro wrestling as 'The Dan Machine?' Man, the future is bullshit."
You'll Invite Someone Who Will Have A Terrible Time
Cracked's done a lot of great articles about depression or anxiety or simply dealing with others who have a different personality than you. And one common thread in a lot of them is that some people are fixated on the idea that the best way to fix someone's personal issue is to add more people to it. Had a sad day? Go to a party! Chemical imbalance? Have an orgy at the mall! Long history of introversion? If you arm wrestle me and lose, I get to give you a noogie at your family reunion.
I mentioned that New Year's is more of a free-for-all when it comes to mixing themes than the holidays that are near it. At Thanksgiving, the people around you are usually the people who you trust to handle cooking a sweet potato casserole. At Christmas, the people around you might be involved in some gift-giving exchange, so you need to at least know the framework of the guests' personalities. But New Year's is "WE'RE DRINKIN' 'TIL THE CLOCK CHANGES." And the options for how you go nuts about it are limitless.
"The only limit is how far you're willing to let your imagination go!" - Me, I bet.
So yeah, ask people to go if you think they might enjoy it. But if a person seems shy and tells you that they don't really feel like it, they're usually not going to "break out of their shells" when put in the middle of a non-descript social event. Again, pop culture teaches us that the people who don't like to dance will dance the hardest when they finally work up the courage to. The cautious virgins would slobber all over the supermodels, if only they could harness some of that incredible New Year's energy. It could happen, though. This year, I saw a Margaritaville in the Jamaican airport that was bigger than the goddamn baggage claim. I believe that anything can happen.
Nice, isn't it? I took this one.
Believe in your dreams.
But it usually doesn't. Usually, the host ends up inviting someone and then ignoring them when they don't become the pulsing ball of WOOOO! that they gave no indication that they'd be. The host goes to them, makes short small talk, and then leaves for an hour, repeating the cycle throughout the night before finally asking "Did you have fun?" as the guest leaves the party. And the guest, in an effort to not say "That was like having my dignity lobotomized," says "No, yeah. I had fun. No really, I had fun. I really did. I promise. Yeah, thanks."
I'm not so sure that I'm sold on New Year's Eve anymore. Happy Bean Dip, Alcohol, and Anime Day, everyone. Celebrate it constantly.
Daniel has a blog.
For more reasons to shun the last party of the year check out 4 Embarrising Moments From the Worst New Year's Countdown and 5 Reasons New Year's Ruins Everything Great About Drinking.
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