In case you need an explanation for what you're looking at, that's a miniature from the horror game Kingdom Death: Monster named Wet Nurse. It appears to be a bulbous, throbbing sex organ with a baby face for a nose, a pair of boobs for eyes, and 20 boobs for boobs. It's H.P. Lovecraft's RedTube. Of course, nudity does not automatically equal quality adult content, but let's take a gander at some of the other creatures from the game. Just because something isn't covered in tits doesn't mean it's safe for children.

Poots

Poots

Jesus Christ. Silent Hill doesn't have monsters as disturbing as that, and I'm including that thing that has it's own head for a dick. Now to be clear, this is pretty much as hardcore as it gets. These are creatures from a $400 board game in which you can wear the skin of your enemies as armor and roll dice to mate. One reviewer summed it up by saying it was life-changing, yet disturbing to the core and offensive to anyone with a pulse. Basically, it ain't for everyone.

If you're looking for something adult and familiar that won't make your friends suddenly remember that they have other stuff to do, note that a shelf-full of video game franchises have already made the jump to board games. The Witcher, Bioshock, Assassin's Creed, Gears Of War, X-Com, and the upcoming games based on Dark Souls and Doom have all successfully transferred what made their games great into a plastic version.

Polygon

Like gritty TV? Game Of Thrones has been turned into multiple board games. Dexter, a show about a serial killer, has a goddamn game. But are these popular? Oh, quite so. Kingdom Death: Monster (you know, that game with the Cthulhu rack) recently raised almost $12 million on Kickstarter, becoming one of the most popular projects ever. And 11.5 million of those dollars went to more monster boob.

If you're looking to ease back into the cardboard world without dropping handfuls of Benjamins, your best bet would be party games. (Which, ahem, my game happens to be.) These are perfect to pop open at a crowded gathering while imbibing alcohol. In fact, thanks to successes like Cards Against Humanity, "adult party games" are now their own mainstream genre. Many classics that you may have played before, like Taboo and Outburst, now have dirty versions that would piss off your parents way more than you knowing the second verse of Eminem's "Without Me." And this stuff is mainstream. Adults-only games like Monikers and Nasty Things are sold right on the shelf next to Candy Land at Target.

Target

But maybe you want something more than a neatly packaged digital version of some indie game you've never heard of. In that case, you're gonna want Tabletop Simulator, which is a literal board game simulator. Unlike Tabletopia, there are no 21st-century conveniences like score counters or auto-shuffling. In order to play the games in Tabletop Simulator, you must physically pick up and move the pieces, or draw cards from the deck with your mouse. Everything is manual and physics-based. There are no rules unless you follow them voluntarily. A game of poker can suddenly become a house of cards building contest, just like real life. The game even lets you upload your own art and create a game, like this completely unauthorized fan version of the Pokemon Trading Card Game which I'm assuming you are going to go download now. It's beautiful madness.

Berzerk Games

It's compatible with virtual reality, too, so that's about as realistic as it gets, folks. This is nerd porn.

Berzerk Games

During the game, players unlock various rewards for winning each game -- like, for example, naming your own territory. In this case, you take a Sharpie and write it on the damn board. So name your new place "Fuck-Greg-Istan" if you want, because really, fuck Greg. There are even spoiler cards that unlock after certain conditions are met that are sealed in an envelope like an Academy Award.

The Board Game Family

This is a $50 board game that you destroy over the course of playing it. In case that sounds stupid, the success of the game has created a new subgenre. Pandemic, a popular strategy game about curing global disease, now has a legacy version. Hell, even this parody game has a legacy version that parodies legacy versions of games, which is the equivalent of taking a niche interest and then drilling holes into it to make room for more niches.

That's Monopoly Ultimate Banking Edition, an update to the classic in which everything is credit-based. There is no more multicolored cash. Wanna buy a property or pay rent? Scan your Monopoly Visa.

Hasbro

Oh, don't worry, they still make the original version, but even that's seen its share of changes. First, Hasbro decided to officially include common house rules in the game, because their market research told them that 70 percent of players have never read the rules and just make it up as they go (we coulda' told you that for free, Hasbro). Remember how weird some of the tokens were? There was a car, a boat, a dog, a hat, and wasn't there a shoe and an iron? Well, not anymore. In 2013, the iron was voted out and replaced with a cat. Sorry, irons, but you were no match for the ultimate meme pet.

Hasbro

In 2017 they did it again, removing the thimble, the boot, and the wheelbarrow, which have been in the game for half a century. While the final replacements came down to more sensible choices, candidates included a hashtag and an emoji, because those things are timeless. Christ, internet.

Remember Clue? The one in which you had to solve an old-timey murder mystery? Instead of a stuffy house that has lead pipes just lying around willy-nilly, the new game takes place in a ritzy mansion during a party for rich celebrities. All of the characters have updated names and bios (all the women actually have actual jobs now), and there's new weapons and rooms. Victor Plum is now a dot-com billionaire, and I can only assume that Colonel Mustard really wants you to be a distributor for his new line of herbal supplements.

Hasbro

What's that? You want the authentic experience without all the bells and whistles, because you like to pretend you live in an era with no toy safety regulations? Just pick up retro recreations of all these games, hopefully without the lead paint.

Hasbro