That is the last time you will ever see that screen without it being covered in dicks. I'm not speaking metaphorically, and I'm not using "dicks" as another way of saying "rude people." I'm talking about penises.
Nintendo has decided that their console not only has to be a social tool, but also auto logs you the second you turn on the machine. And even though that's not what I'm looking for in a gaming system, I can handle that to a certain extent. It will have your family, friends and gaming acquaintances all in one group so you can see who's online and what game they're playing. But it also adds complete strangers who have the ability to not only text you, but also draw pictures. For a quick example of how that turns out, find any drawing game anywhere online and join any group of people from any culture or socioeconomic class you can think of for just 10 minutes.
How it turns out is dicks. Lots and lots of dicks. And you will see them with 100 percent certainty. But with this new system, we have finally encountered, for the first time in human history, a situation in which a lack of dicks on your welcome screen represents something far worse than being saturated by them:
Dick admins. Since the Nintendo U will be automatically social, it means that your screen will be auto-populated by little kids and those who are easily offended. So in order to curb the massive volume of cartoon anal sex floating around in text balloons, it means they're going to have to include a "Report Player" button. And just like in every other social game on the planet, it will be some poor bastard's job to moderate and ban players who dick-bomb people's living rooms, unless Nintendo has invented some sort of high-tech dick recognition software to help automate the process.