4

There Are Two Clearly Defined Sides

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What I meant by that propaganda stuff is that there are people in this world who, no matter how much video evidence they see to the contrary, will never believe that the police have become at least somewhat of a problem. Hell, even those videos have explanations. "He had a rap sheet a mile long." "He used drugs." "You don't know what police go through." "Don't run and the police won't chase you."

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Also, no direct eye contact, please.

3

Taxation Without Representation Is A Problem

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You're familiar with the term "no taxation without representation," right? It was basically the idea that kicked off the American Revolution. British laws like the Stamp Act called for people in the original 13 colonies to pay taxes to a governmental entity that didn't represent them in any way. Next thing you know, we're throwing tea off boats and all hell breaks loose.

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Think about the ecosystem!

2

The Police Are Militarized

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Heads up, though; if you are feeling frog-ish and decide to leap, know that the police are ready for whatever the fuck you decide to get up to. It's been discussed widely on the Internet, including on this site by myself and plenty of others, but it bears mentioning again here: The police are turning into the military.

As this Cracked article pointed out, 9/11 gave law enforcement a war mentality. Couple that with a program that's made military technology readily affordable for any shithole police precinct that's flush with the undeserved budget cash to buy the tank of their dreams ...

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Finally!

... and you have a recipe for disaster. With this scene playing out pretty much everywhere around the country, it's not hard to see why people are starting to view the police as some sort of offshoot of the American military. There's a term for when the military is policing your neighborhood: martial law. It's the kind of talking point that sends right wingers into a frenzy, especially as it pertains to the possibility that Obama might team up with Walmart to impose it in Texas.

When police are tooling around town in military vehicles and deploying military technology to break up crowds, how is that any different than having the actual military there? They don't have the same power to abduct you and disappear you to some shady government facility? Tell that to the Chicago police, who operate a Guantanamo Bay-like "dark site" where alleged criminals can be held for days without being charged and without anyone knowing what's happened to them. Are they the only police force employing tactics like that?

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Let's hope so!

1

Riots and Uprisings Have Been The Only Effective Solution So Far

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When Maryland State's Attorney Marilyn Mosby announced that charges would be filed against the six officers involved in the Freddie Gray incident, famed lawyer and torture enthusiast Alan Dershowitz wrote it off as nothing more than "crowd control" -- just a pointless gesture meant to placate rioters that ultimately stands zero chance of achieving what everyone wants, which is justice.

He could very well be right. Especially the part where the charges might not result in a guilty verdict, if they even manage to go to trial at all. He's got recent history on his side there, for sure.

Never forget.

So is he implying that the charges wouldn't have been filed if the riots never happened? If so, then call me crazy, but that makes me feel like the riots worked. Would those charges have been filed if people didn't turn this case into the huge deal that it became? Maybe! But probably not.

It's pointed out in this article that Mosby stopped short of calling what happened to Gray a "rough ride." But seeing as how that's a practice that involves shackling a detainee's feet (check), placing him facedown on the floor of a police van instead of strapping him in with a seat belt (check), and then taking sharp turns and braking suddenly so as to make the detainee slide around and get slammed into the sides of the van (nooooo, of course not), I have a feeling that's what happened. Just the fact that it's a thing that's acknowledged to exist makes me think that's exactly what happened.

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I'd bet money on it.

How many fucking people has that happened to before, to the point that people just know it's a thing? If people are up in arms about the driver of that van being charged with something as obscure as "depraved heart murder," keep in mind it's probably because someone actually getting charged for doing this is so unspeakably rare.

Again, police forces inventing their own unique ways to torture people isn't a novelty. For example, read up on the Saskatoon freezing deaths if you're looking to have your day wrecked.

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Or just visit Canada for a day. You'll get the same result.

So if "rough rides" are a thing that have been happening in Baltimore for an extended period of time, how many people haven't said anything? How many people have said something and didn't get anywhere, because they didn't die and the whole thing sounds so crazy? People have been coming forward left and right since the Freddie Gray incident to tell their own stories of enduring "rough rides" in Baltimore. Are they all just criminals looking to lie their way into the spotlight? Maybe, but don't count on it.

The more likely scenario is that it took a combination of Internet video and someone dying in police custody for this insanity to catch up to the Baltimore police department. Would those charges have been filed without the riots? Alan Dershowitz says no. If that's the case, then in this instance, riots were exactly what needed to happen.

Adam is telling jokes directly to your face at North Bar in Chicago tonight at 8pm with fellow Cracked editor Alex Schmidt. Get tickets here! Also, follow Adam on Twitter @adamtodbrown.

For more from Adam, check out 5 Exonerated Criminals Who Did Worse Stuff After Being Free and The 5 Worst Things Famous Companies Made To Train Employees.

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