Match actually produced a graph that went from "I never use emojis" to "I use more than one in every text" to chart the percentage of singles who had sex at least monthly, and it's almost a straight line for both men and women. It applied across the board for people in their 20s, 30s, and 40s. It's as if emojis are some kind of mystical hump genies -- which, incidentally, is the plot of a new screenplay I'm working on. Hit me up, Hollywood!
Match.com's Singles in America Survey
Now, you're likely wondering what I was wondering around this time: HOW? WHY? WHAT? They think it's all about tone and communication. How many times have you been unable to tell if someone texting you was joking or angry, or even sober? Text is a blank slate. Emojis add a strong visual representation of tone and intent. So if you text your booty call a laughing face, a music note, some sleepy Z's, a fish, and then an eggplant, you're just letting them know that they're about to have a damn good time.
Related: 6 Sex Myths As Explained By Science
Having A Sense Of Humor About Yourself Means Better Sex
OK, first off, I'm not just telling you this because I'm an online comedy writer and my whole job is to leave you about 4 percent less depressed than when you started reading. But leading humpologists conducted some research, and noted that those who admit to being able to be teased and laughed at actually report greater sexual satisfaction than those who might react negatively to being laughed at. We're not talking Nelson-Muntz-style "haw haw" with finger-pointing, just some good-natured ribbing for her pleasure.
Why should that matter at all? Because it means you're more comfortable with yourself. If the opposite is true, and if you tend to mock others and get defensive when people laugh at you, you likely have less satisfaction. But this isn't necessarily new information, as laughter and a sense of humor have long had some kind of sex appeal. (Whom amongst us hasn't rogered a clown?) Men who can make a woman laugh give women more orgasms. In dating profiles, a sense of humor is often one of the top three traits women look for in a man, along with "being smart" and "being Chris Hemsworth." They say it's important twice as often as men do. And in one study, participants judged to be actually funny also reported having more sex, more sexual partners, and even having sex earlier in life.
So yeah, you could be a serious, cool, jean-jacket-wearing guy with long untamed hair. OR you could master the art of seductive Whoopee-Cushion-ing and apparently never go to bed alone again.
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