Also, sometimes it's just fun putting a ton of effort into something. It's nice to give a damn sometimes. And, critically, people who give a damn about something, even if it's turning themselves into a liquid-filled Kool-Aid Man suit, look cooler. Effort is sexy.
But if you don't have time for effort ...
An Adult In A Child's Costume Is Always Hilarious
... then just pour yourself into a child's costume.
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Remove the child first.
Note that I don't mean an adult-sized costume of a child, which are real and horrific. No, I'm referring to a costume, meant and sized for children, worn by an adult via a system of modifications and artful squeezing.
An adult wearing a child's costume keys on a lot of human emotions. Horror, obviously -- a visual expression of terror wrought from polyester and padding. Also, humor. There is a universal comedy inherent in seeing a large thing put in a small container.
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Which is why seeing a single clown in a car is so upsetting.
You can then amplify the comedy/horror angle you're working by taking on the aspect of a child and saying typical childish things like, "Trick or treat," or, "Give me some motherfucking candy," or, "Our bodies are vessels. Soon will come the Great Decanting."
Now that will start some conversations.
Chris Bucholz is a Cracked columnist and has ended lots of conversations too. His first novel, Severance, is incredible and available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, or Apex Books. Join him on Facebook or Twitter.
Another tip for what not to wear on Halloween: Don't go as a sexy still-in-the-box Barbie doll, as seen in 26 Sexy Halloween Costumes That Shouldn't Exist. See what else to avoid in 8 Racist Halloween Costumes People Apparently Still Wear.
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