They say you should do what you love, and they also say that you should love yourself, and yet other people say "I wonder if this fits in here," and it looks like all three of those people were the same person in this instance. Maybe that means this crazy world of ours still has a little magic left in it.
Freelance Writers Did Rubbing-Out Research
Mark Sergeant, senior psychology lecturer at Nottingham Trent University and not technically a doctor, has said that a workplace masturbation break would be a very effective way to relieve stress at work. This is something which I figure anyone jacking off in a back alley over a stained Teddy Ruxpin could have told you, but I guess the "lecturer" title gives this guy's opinions a bit more weight.
Why do you care what a senior psychology lecturer has to say about shadow boxing the Pumpkin King? Maybe you don't, but some writers at Metro, after hearing from Mr. Sergeant, decided to put his good ideas to the test by masturbating at work for an entire week. For this premise to work, you have to now get it into your head that these people are not the kind of people who were already masturbating at work all the time, which would be the 39 percent I mentioned in the intro. And what are the odds that anyone writing an entire article about masturbating at work would have done it previously? Probably not worth thinking about.
And so, two writers opted to burp the beluga on company time every day for a week. As an added bonus, they were both British, so the article is full of charming British slang, such as referring to the workplace bathrooms in which they whack it as "bogs." God, that's adorable.