Red wine in small quantities does still have some health benefits, but it's not a magical heart elixir that you can pair with your Kraft mac and cheese to eliminate the downsides of eating Kraft mac and cheese. And "small quantities" is the key phrase there. You can't substitute your nightly jog with two bottles of wine and a cheese plate and expect to live to a ripe old age. Although at a certain point you have to start questioning quantity versus quality.
Dark Chocolate Is Actually Pretty Terrible For You Too
Dark chocolate is a delicious junk food we've long tried to justify through scientific study. Obviously, eating it provides a smug sense of superiority over people who prefer milk chocolate like a bunch of damn children, but dark chocolate lovers want physical superiority as well. You probably saw your chubbier friends and colleagues share this New York Times article about chocolate's ability to improve your memory, and dark chocolate in particular has long been touted as a food that's good for your heart, thanks to the presence of another goofy food word, flavanols.
In addition to being the name of Flavor Flav's obscure experimental album, flavanols might be legitimately good for you -- the science is still up in the air. But whether or not they're good is irrelevant to your chocolate intake, because eating the screen you're reading this on would give you about as much flavanol as chocolate does.
Potentially less delicious, though.
Flavanols taste like bitter garbage, so they're pretty much entirely destroyed during the chocolate-making process and replaced with delicious fat and sugar.
So how did all these pro-dark-chocolate studies come about? Well, the memory study was performed on a batch of highly concentrated cocoa powder that was carefully selected for research ... by chocolatier Mars Inc., which funded the study in the hopes of drumming up some good chocolate press. That's like saying banana cream pie is good for you because you studied the health benefits of bananas. This is a problem with lots of studies involving chocolate, because while flavanols can be found in many foods, the funding for flavanol research tends to come from candy companies that Willy Wonka would loathe.
Answer the meme's question!