4

The Lineup Is Skewed

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Go online and find the lineup for the next show at your local comedy club. I'll bet there is a headliner, who is almost certainly male, and three to four acts going before him. One of them might be female, or two on very, very rare occasions, but almost never are there more than that in any lineup. It doesn't matter if it is being held at the Comedy Store or in some guy's living room; four ovaries is the limit.

ssuaphoto/iStock/Getty ImagesAnd they still get second billing to this twat.

Unless, of course, you advertise it as an "All-Female Show." You will never, ever see a show advertised as "An All-Guys Show" or a "Boys-Only Open Mic." And, no, it is not because feminists will scream about being left out. It's because there is a (false) perception that male comics cover subjects that everyone can relate to, while women only make jokes about periods and how much their boyfriends suck. You can't expect men to sit through that without fair warning. They probably need to pump iron for a few hours beforehand just to leave with their masculinity still intact.

I don't think the lack of gender diversity in the lineup started off as intentional because, in the past, there were fewer women actually trying to be comedians. If that was ever an excuse, it isn't anymore, because there are tons of hilarious women out there now, but bookers still tend to have an all-or-nothing attitude about this. They want at least one woman on the lineup (so they won't be perceived as misogynists or whatever), but more than two and they'll think, "Nah, I don't want one of those 'All-Chick' shows." Women have actually been dropped from lineups because bookers think they have "too many."

GlobalP/iStock/Getty ImagesBut, you can never have enough cocks, obviously.

3

Looks Sort Of Matter

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Explaining this to people is weird, because it can come across as a ridiculous humble brag. Most hosts at a stand-up show have introduced me as "the very beautiful Eden Dranger" or "Our next comic is very pretty -- please welcome Eden Dranger." I'm not going to complain about being called pretty (because I'm vain and I'll take the compliment), but why must they make a comment about my appearance at all before introducing me on stage? Imagine how uncomfortable you would feel at your job if every time you gave a presentation, the boss mentioned how great your butt looked in those pants. And God forbid, what if I wasn't pretty? What a huge disappointment that would be for the audience. How could they possibly enjoy my jokes if looking at me made them throw up in their mouths a little bit?

Axel Bueckert/iStock/Getty Images"Everybody doing okay, or should I put the mask back on?"

Meanwhile, guys, no matter if they are sculpted like a Greek statue or are a Kevin James-esque amorphous blob, are usually introduced as "The super funny Louis CK" or "Such a funny guy -- please welcome Aziz Ansari!"

Already I hear you rushing to the comments to mention women like Amy Schumer and Lena Dunham who don't fit the unbelievably narrow standard of beauty we have for funny women in the public eye. But, how many times have you heard them referred to as "so brave" for going topless or without makeup? That's not bravery; that's making millions of dollars for being good at your job. It's not like they jumped naked into a lion enclosure.

dennisvdw/iStock/Getty ImagesEven these guys thought Girls' fourth season was a welcome return to form.

2

You Will Get Harassed

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This subject is no joke (pun very much unintended.) Like other workplaces, women face some serious sexual harassment in comedy. But, it's much easier for it to go too far in stand-up, a field where it's sometimes expected for people to shout directly at you that they don't like the way that you are doing your job.

A bit of heckling is fine; it's when it becomes offensively gender-related that it crosses a line. Sunah says, "If a dude talks about his dick on stage (I know this is hard to imagine), it's rare for an audience member to yell out, 'Show us your dick!' But, if I talk about my boobs (again, hard to imagine) and a dude in the audience screams, 'Show us your tits!' the perception of me instantly changes to that of a stripper, not a comic. No offense to strippers by the way -- it's just a different job with a vastly different job description."

allanswart/iStock/Getty ImagesBut, if you want to throw money at me, I'm not going to stop you.

I've witnessed audience members yell things about a comedian's appearance and even make rape threats while heckling. They may assume all is fair in comedy and to "just get over it" because heckling is part of the job. But, part of being a stand-up comedian is going on the road by yourself across the country to comedy clubs and bars. It's not the most welcoming environment and is a fertile breeding ground for actual rapes and all sorts of other crime. So, what a guy might see as a harmless insult, female comedians have to consider a possible threat. Just like you wouldn't tell your bank teller that you are going to sexually assault her or ask your doctor to open her top and dance around for you, you don't cross that line with the person whose job it is to make you laugh.

haeton/iStock/Getty ImagesIt's just a matter of time before they start selling "Sexy Comedian" Halloween costumes.

1

We'll Probably Never Win

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There will always be people that think women can never be as funny as men. Everyone from Jerry Lewis to Christopher Hitchens has openly admitted they don't find women funny. Adam Carolla said in an interview that women are only hired to meet quotas and are always the least funny in the writers' room. I've heard similar things at stand-up shows, where people get pissed, saying, "She only got that spot because they needed a girl on the lineup." But, if we make a fuss about this misogyny, we're perceived as "bitchy" or "on her period."

Carlos Santa maria/Hemera/Getty Images"You ever notice how women bleed once a month for reproductive purposes? What is the deal with that?"

Sometimes, it feels like we'll never win. If a woman makes jokes about her vagina, she's criticized as "too sexualized." If she talks about stuff men talk about, she's "trying too hard to be a man." Yet, guys talk about their penis and masturbating all the time. When they act like women, it's seen as hilarious.

It isn't just men bringing female comedians down, sadly. The entertainment industry definitely has its fair share of judgmental women who will gladly throw other ladies under the bus (or under the Prius if you're in Los Angeles). Women are competitive, and, since there's only so much room for them on a lineup thanks to reason number four, the competition to get that spot can be fierce. Some women can be incredibly supportive. Others will resort to high school measures and spread rumors about you or just disregard your existence completely and never mention how funny another female comic is for fear she'll steal her spotlight.

Zerturs/iStock/Getty ImagesWe're all strangely supportive of our friends who want to be mimes, though.

But, although women can be harsh to other women, it will always really be the patriarchal society of comedy preventing us from making it to the top. You can help out by watching some comedy specials featuring lesser-known female comedians or by telling the booker at your local comedy club that you want to see more ladies on the lineup. When our culture starts to normalize women headlining stand-up shows and producing lots of blockbuster female-driven comedies, we'll have a lot more laughter in the world. And that's good for everybody, no matter what they have going on in their pants.

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Being a woman in comedy is hard enough when you consider how women are conditioned by our society not to tell jokes. See why in 4 Ways We're Programmed To Think Women Aren't Funny and learn the terrifying heights a tall woman must go through to make it in the world in 4 Reasons Being A Tall Woman Can Be Worse Than A Short Man.

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